Wednesday, April 16, 2014


Dementia Diary April 17th - not a good read.

Serendipity or what?
I haven't been to the forum for a while - almost too paralysed to think.
But just switched on and there near the top was a comment on a thread I began a while ago.
It was about not wanting to go home to my husband.
Somebody suggested that maybe I was at the time to decide about him being in a home.
I am scared of what I have become - a nervous wreck. My physical health has also collapsed. I will have an ultrasound scan this afternoon - obviously to rule out cancer which I have had twice before. Maybe it won't rule it out.
Bill continues to make almost constant noise when he is awake. At last I have family and friends who are seeing just what this means. It is destroying me. I have even hit him - me? I am so non violent.
People from various organisations have got involved - I even thought that social services would be in touch after confessing that I had hit Bill. I was told they would be.
Everybody is sympathetic. But it seems I have to sort everything out - even though I can't think straight. I am constantly shaking.
If my man had a physical disease then the medical staff would outline for me a programme of treatment. And that is what I want now - somebody to tell me what to do and help me to sort out arranging it.
But the counselling people say "It must be awful for you; what would you like to happen?"
Hell - I don't know!
Maybe the best thing would be a lot of day care. At least I would know that he is being cared for and other people could assess the constant noise and give him a decent meal. He doesn't need the care really - he is very capable. He looks after himself and does some jobs round the house when I order him to - best to give him jobs, because he is not banging the walls and furniture when he does a job.
So far, what I have been offered is that Bill will be seen by day.
I think I shall need one before that day arrives.
Just at this moment (well today) I have banned him from being with me in the bedroom. I have ordered him to sleep in the spare room so that I can get some sleep without worrying about the noise or the constant wanting to poke and tickle my face.
I need a room in the house where I can escape to.
This has all happened so very fast - within a year and it gets worse every day.
Well, that's released a bit of how it is. I am just surviving now from one moment to the next.
Grandma P - feeling lost and alone.
Oh that last bit shouldn't stand, for I now have some friends and family rallying round me and I love them for it. The trouble is almost all the people I love live far away.