Thursday, April 10, 2014


One more day

What a range of emotions!
Night had been disturbed - Bill was up and downstairs - made tea.
The morning came and I wanted to get away. Take me to Wetherspoons, Bill, I want a breakfast wrap and a chance to think. I seemed to realise that I needed time without my husband. My sanity felt to be in danger. A seed was sown - maybe Bill should attend a day care centre twice a week. This, perhaps, is my aim for later in the summer.
We ate and I mused; Bill tapped, banged and seemed to laugh at me.
Help...... here comes the over breathing, the shaking and despair.
Home, Bill had orders to go upstairs and sleep. I put my feet up and read, until Tracey came - a clinical psychologist
She decided to leave Bill to his sleep.
Imagine - an hour to think and talk about all that I needed. Of course I felt the re-birth of some good feeling. Tracey will return in 2 weeks and will get to know Bill through her own eyes, rather than mine.
But we were not finished with dementia
Once a month the D Cafe is open. Sandwiches, cakes and tea - lots of it, and pots of little Easter eggs. Very happy Bill!
The cafe group is based on music. Today we were entertained by a sweet young woman singing songs of the 60s and 70s- karaoke style. But we were not to be passive listeners, we were to sing and accompany the singer with percussion instruments.
What a joy to see Bill joining in with such energy. Of course the current Bill tended to join in with slightly inappropriate gusto! And he cheered as he applauded.
Who is this man? The old Bill would never have joined in and would have been silently uncomfortable.
Another positive today was meeting again some who I have met before. We are becoming part of the dementia family.
This family I think will become central to attempts to maintain sanity, just as the cancer group did for me 20 years ago.
I still have love in my heart for my cancer family - many of whom lost their battles.
Today I can say "one day at a time". Who knows how each day will be? But I can be confident about tomorrow, because we will be at the Friday group again.
My own aches and pains continue to trouble me. No news of a scan for my swollen foot and leg, still very troublesome; the skin is burning, like sun burn. My feet have been raised for much of the day - including right now; I am using my phone to write again.