Wednesday, April 02, 2014


I have nothing against my left leg.

I slept last night - in my own bed and with Bill.
And I have dozed during the day too.
It was lovely to see Jenny for a short while this morning......I am so glad when people can put themselves out a bit to give me a little of their time.
I have felt down with the pain and down with Bill's behaviour.
Later I talked with Bill and created the illusion that it would make some difference!
This afternoon we went into town with a shopping list - a list of all the different batteries we need to power various household things that are not working right now.
Having looked at the possibility of getting an appointment with one of our GPs, (earliest was April 15th) I decided that a visit to the drop in centre might be best.
But it wasn't.
I was greeted with a notice that told me that "due to sickness the drop in centre had to be closed this afternoon".
I have 2 choices - try again tomorrow or try to insist that I need an urgent appointment with one of the GPs. If I could get one, then I suppose that might be best.
But I can't really consider it urgent because the problem has been with me for a while. But I was annoyed with Dr D last week for not following it up.

Probably the least beautiful picture I have ever taken!
My left leg is fine - slim ankle, slim shapely calf; a leg to feel good about.
The right foot, ankle and leg is swollen. The skin is very tender - hurts.
I don't know why and I want to know why and hope something can be done about it.
But nothing has been done today. I will ring early in the morning and try for an urgent appt. for Thursday or Friday.
Later we went to la Rusta and had tea and cake.
I relaxed a bit there.
It was there I tried to talk with Bill.
Useless endeavour, I know.
I would like him to concede that there is something wrong with him. I would like him to agree that he is upsetting me. I would like to feel that we are in this together.
I am sure I would keep my cool better if I knew he was trying to make things right for both of us.
Tomorrow he has an appointment with Colleen - the specially trained nurse. She will be hearing just how close I am to not coping and how I yearn for peace
Surely Bill can see his choices? Well, obviously not.
He either breaks the habit of making a constant noise or not. If he can give me peace then we can manage to carry on together. If he can't then a day care centre is vital for my sanity and then maybe a Care Home.
And its so silly - because he doesn't need full time care. He can do lots for himself and if he puts his mind to it, he can do lots of useful things.
Now - time for a dose of tramadol. Better to feel drugged up than than feel pain and feel stressed with Bill's behaviour.