Tuesday, July 22, 2014


Tomorrow will be the day

tomorrow it begins. Chemo, number one. This will be as high dose as predicted. My kidney function tests last week showed some problems. The advantage for me is that treatment will take less time to administer. I don't know yet how many weeks that I will be going to go Guildford. I will ask today.......and the answer will be something like"We will have to see how it goes."
Carer will be here soon to get me ready for todays tri

Tuesday, July 15, 2014


feeling lost

I wish I felt more cheerful
I guess this i fight stage the anger. I don't l don't if I can take control or even if I want to
i was more content in hospital where i had no control and no decisions to
make. Right now i feel too intensely involved with money
Not fair of me others are distracted from their lives to sort out mine
if only i had more time
everything has has happened so quickly
scarily quickly
i know others will tell me not to worry
O let me find those days of pleasure enjoying the magpies I must remember how to be positive ,come help me do that Offering to come to my aid isn't always easy. But looking ahead after Clare and Jamie have gone, ,i will be glad of help with shopping and laundry
or even type my blog
this has taken ages

Monday, July 07, 2014


Monday exercise

iiMonday morning and hospital life swings into action. My day began with a wee bag leak
Oh the look of joy on the nurse faces when they realise that I can deal with a leak by my self.
This morning I was visited by physiotherapists and given exercises. They plan to have a team visit me at home
Lunch time soon.
This afternoon it has been a long road to get a canula in. Attractive
ivyclad doctor.failed to
This evening I was asked me if I wanted to move there
I decided to stay here in my private room and with a TV.

Nice atmosphere here
friendly and fun
Any ways and
I appreciate the TV.
Also not sure when I shall be discharged.Could be quite soon.



Pity, I already written lots today on Facebook
I won't write it twice
So a few brief notes, probably to be interrupted by shower and hair .
But my flannels are lost. Never mind.
I am clean and my hair feels good. I have ccomfortable disposable knickers. i have a real treasure of a nurse.
I needed someone special after my night
I woke to an arm, dripping blood. had knocked the canula and ripped the skin.
Then I felt sick and vomited green bile. Old friends will know that it is a road much travelled by me
and scary.
Discussion today focus on my care I think that I must wait to be assessed. Wait here, I assume.
That is fine for me. The atmosphere here sounds good and happy. I can't see anything,but I can pick up on the atmosphere.My treasured nurse says that it is a hhappy place to work.
As regards to me, I do still have pain. But it is less now. And of course there are morphine side effects
It now
is half past three
Oh the trouble Helen had getting the new
 canula in. Then sweet little Indian nurse had no trouble at all
So drip is now in- not in needp


Saturday, July 05, 2014


Saturday surprise

Saturday - just after midday
And it has been very eventful
The bad things have been mostly my own stupid fault
Last night I ordered the ideal meal for me
Soup and a fruit jelly
To be continued
Gosh back to last night
Nurse thought that I didn't have enough and got me sandwiches
Kind of her and exceedingly stupid of me to eat them. Results ?. A P night. Poo pee,puke, pain. All those undigested food bloating me
I hadn't given oromorph a chance
Anyway ould be going home
Or would I?
Firstly I was taken to another ward
I could see the need for being moved
- I was in the assessment units and people actually needed to get assessed
So here I am in Woodland ward in a single room and my own TV
Friendly nurses are very close by. Just now I have all I need and feel as content as it is possible to be
I could grump about the lost TV remote, but it also means that I have to walk more and I can see that I am walking better. Life is full of surprising yu
 Though I do feel sure that I will go tomorrow
This is surgical ward
As I x. write, such thoughts are going round the head of omr


Friday Fourth.

Going to try a running blog
Today,so far has been marred by severe pain
ust have something different
Doctor has written up oromorph for me
It is a morphine drug I have used before.
The calcium hunch has been abandoned....my levels are normal.
For another patient it has been a near death morning. She is old and with no capabilities
Suddenly she called once,, shook a little and was like a floppy rag doll. cardiac arrest, people rushing in and out, brief instructions....it was like being on the set of a TV hospital drama
She didn't die.. she still functions. She is having Xrays and other tests
They want to why.
She is so fragile and so treasured by her sweet husband. I hope he gets a little more time to whisper sweet nothings
Well I may be home later, or maybe tomorrow morning. No stay on Buckland and maybe no more heavenly soup. But I shall enjoy my garden and those strutting magpies
and I shall enjoy my TV too
Friday 12.50.
Just had my first oromorph with paracetamol and ibuprofen. Get working foul liquid. I can take as much as I need to be pain free.
Half past Two......pain level improves, but pain not gone. Reckon I might need another night to get pain control fully working.
Tennis reports are being relayed to me via distant cousin Mark in New Orleans.We share a mutual love of Dimitrov, the Bulgarian. It sounds like match anyway.The scores were level when I last heard.
The sweet husband is here and whispering words of love to his fragile rag doll.
Half past six

The decision has been made
I will stay for one more night
I decided
I want 2 -/3 more doses of oromorph, to get that into a routine
The hospital doctors will have informed the GPs who will get to see that I will not tolerate second best
And until I get a wheel chair if they need to see then they must come to me
Still the loving husband stands vigil. She jsfn another episode
No panic as he dealt with the problem It is peaceful in here . lots of dozing.
half past T be bed time
The ragdoll lady has bemoved today to another ward
Instead we have a young beauty who has joined the dozing squad since then another young one has arrived with mother. It is go in here as the night begins. I ought to read this through but I fear too many mistakes. I seemed hhnm be found sleeping more fxq writing
Then Ooppp
........I wake to llknñp

Quarter past fou Woking tll
This is such a muddled too much to edit.
But I tried.Maybe I will do better at home.


Thursday, July 03, 2014


Unexpected Day.

Quick, whilst I have a hope of sending.
I write from my hospital bed
Not the one at home. This bed is in the hospital
I didn't expect to be here
I saw the. excellent oncology team and proposals were discussed and it seemed it was settled that I would have chemo at Guildford. Shame that
But. this team is at East Surrey only once a week. They are more London based
I have the best brains.....and interesting twists and turns. Suddenly he was wondering why I had got so ill and fragile so quickly
He mused on my minerals, so often out of balance
This time calcium could be the offender.....too much of the stuff
He wants to get to the bottom of his hunch. Not a silly hunch because it's a topic that has arisen before.Dr O began to follow it up you might even recall investigation into calcium levels and the connection with B6 and the way the parathyroid glands control things.He thinks that if this problem could be solved I would feel loads better and more able tp withstand the chemo
At the moment I am in the surgical assement ward. I have a saline drip
It is quite peaceful. I know that Doctor Money Kyrle wants me to be on Buckland Ward
I want. that too
It's the best Though not very professional of him really to let slip that in his opinion it is the only properly run ward in the hospital!
I think that the intention is to keep me for two or three s om the maybe until Monday.
I now ask that anybody who reads this and knows of another who no compuyet communication to pass on my news
I am particularly sorry that I have not talked with Marion ....not even told her about the things I have learned about the spread of the disease I will have to search for a phone number.
So family and friends band together to be part of my team
I will need practical help and love when I have chemotherapy Many will not be surprised to know that Jenny has been a tower of strength again this week Supported me through a difficult time. She has helped me with retaining information and asking the right questions
Glad to have found time and energy to write.
Oh and if you close at hand, I would still ask that you don't visit the hospital. I must view these days as a bonus for complete rest. Soon I will be so glad to have supplies of little and often food...... but check what first. What taste I have has changed. No chocolates for starters. Today I enjoyed a shop bought prawn mayo sandwich I should eat. a little more
I hope there might be a decent soup on the food trolley.
Interesting day.Hope yours has been too and hopefully more fun
Thank goodness blogs are saved in draft.

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