Wednesday, April 09, 2014


Split personality.

There must be 2 of me. And one of me has gone missing. Where is laid back me? I have lost the one who makes the best of things and lives one day at a time. The pathetic me who seems to have taken over and knocked the good me off her perch should get lost.
I guess it was inevitable that I should fall into despair; just wish it hadn't taken severe pain to bring me to grief. I am grieving for the husband I once had. So many tears today. And so much confusion. I grieve for what have lost and begin to wish I had lost him completely.
Back to the pain. I tried to get an appointment with Doctor D today, and was told he would ring me. Later I was phoned and told I could see Doctor A. I had asked for an urgent appointment, so felt I shouldn't argue. I guess he listened, through my tears. I have been to the hospital for X Rays. Phone my doctor in a week's time. Meanwhile?
Bill doesn't understand and cannot be different
We went for a snack at La Rusta. Fighting back tears as they were nice to me.
And I have bought a basic phone for Bill. Cost £25. This for my peace of mind.
I would like sleep to come soon.
And I would love to welcome back the one who I consider is the real Paula. I know that I can change very little and have been doing the best I can. Tackle one day at a time.
And maybe good fortune is smiling on me; tomorrow afternoon a psychiatrist is coming to chat with us. She has already offered me the chance of one to one counselling
That and time to physically get better may help me find the strength for the future.

Written on my phone with my feet up. Excellent.