Saturday, April 12, 2014


The dementia world continues to evolve.

It has been a hard day.
I have just about stayed on top of it.
I didn't feel particularly well or lively at the shop.....hardly surprising.
Apart from the aches and pains I have carried with me all the signs of anxiety and panic.
Yet again, Nigel and Steve had me exploring things - widening knowledge.
Steve mentioned something about his great great grandfather being involved in The Boxer Rebellion in China
We realised we knew very little about it.
So, out comes the phone as I try to find out what had happened in 1900 and why. Great great Grandfather had been awarded  a Peking medal for his efforts connected with disarming a large gun....but surely not a Gatling gun, Steve?
I learned of The Seymour Expedition which involved taking back armaments from the Chinese rebels - including Krupps field guns.
Maybe I found the right occasion.
Sales were not very good today - indeed it has been a poor week. School holidays are like that.
At the end of the day I left Nigel preparing  for a visit to his third grandchild - not yet born - but we have been keeping up with progress during the day. Maybe Lottie has now arrived.
Now, all the above sounds like padding......padding round the more dramatic story line. You often get that in soap operas - something trivial or amusing to keep your mind off the brewing story.

I was deeply shocked when I got home.

All might have seemed normal. Bill was making a cup of coffee and had 2 chocolate digestive biscuits.
He wondered where I had been and told me that he had a made a cuppa to take back to bed until it was time to get up.
He was bothered to find himself in his day clothes because he assumed he must not have got into his pyjamas at bedtime.
He was extremely confused. He thought it was half past five in the morning.
When I told him it was early evening he said that he must have slept all day - though didn't actually believe me.
I explained that he had got up during the morning. "No" he exclaimed, "you've got that wrong".
And said he better get up and have a wash and shave.
"You've done that already Bill."
"No, I haven't."
But this morning I took his towel and used flannel to put in the washing machine. He had found fresh ones that morning when he washed and shaved.
And the laundry had been hung out in the garden by him.
I knew this already for he had told me so when I phoned him from the shop.
He had eaten breakfast and washed up.
He had emptied the rubbish bin in the kitchen.
He knew none of this and couldn't believe really that it was not early in the morning.
Oh my poor Bill.
Gradually he accepted that I was right. He also accepted that his brain was in a complete mess.
I reassured that I would help all I could. If his brain insists on being like that of a small child for a while, then lets make sure he was being the best small child that he could be.
I suggested that once the neuro psychologist had assessed the problems then there would be some medication to bring the brain back to life. Sorry, Bill - almost certainly not.
We also talked about the more than annoying habits. They make his brain behave badly and in a way that I can not help with. He would have to go into a home if the annoying habits continued and I suggested that "they" would have ways to stop him. I didn't interrupt his interpretation that it would be like a home for naughty boys.
He said he wants to stay in our home with me. I promised I would try to make sure this happened.
I explained that one way to help make this happen was that I felt I mustn't leave him alone to get confused by himself.
I will find somebody to give him time at home on Mondays - I was offered just this sort of help by an organisation at the beginning of last week,
Though we'll have nobody in place this Monday.
And I told him that I would find a good day centre for him - a couple of days a week so that I could get on with things which don't interest him.
I assured him it would be nothing like a home.
I already have some information about 2 lovely people who work in one such day centre and they live close by and I will chat with them.
Then it was back to the mundane - what shall we eat?
I realise it's not fair to ask him. His Mum would never have said "What do you want for dinner?" In those days small children ate what they had been given.
I was tired - exhausted even.
I suggested we go to the local fish and chip shop. If he wanted he could have a sausage and I would have  a lightly fried egg, cooked at home. I thought he should come - just to get him out of the house. Very interestingly, he hardly protested when I took the car keys to drive to the local shops - though he enjoyed telling me how I should be driving!
He has clapped and banged this evening and done the manic laugh, but somehow it has been easier to reprimand him and to keep it just a bit under control. I bet the restraint doesn't last very long!
I talked with Clare this evening. I feel so sad for Jamie and Clare, hearing from afar of this collapse of their father. Clare understands my need to put things into's something she does too in respect of the challenges she is facing.
She, too, has a blog. Always thought provoking and sometimes very moving.One day she promises that there will be more basic postings, like mine about where she has been and with photographs.

Time for bed - Bill is already there.
I have told him that he will accompany me to a car boot sale tomorrow. He needs to get out and get some exercise. We'll go to our first sale of the summer in a field. I'll get him to push the trolley.
We won't be out long.
That's good - I really must cross off a number of mundane tasks on the things to do list.