Monday, April 14, 2014


What comes next?

I got an appointment with the doctor - always feels like winning the lottery, to be one of the lucky ones. Dr. O had always been the one I trusted to get things done
Well, until last summer, when he let Bill down
I, of course wanted the impossible - instant solutions
What I have got is an ultrasound on Wednesday, more painkillers, a blood test and an increase in antidepressants
I also got sympathy and understanding that Bill is sapping my sanity
I will see him again in two weeks.
By chance, today was the day when someone from Crawley carers support group phoned. It was good to talk and cry with her. It was hard to know just what I want. Whatever it is though, I am desperate for it. She will be in touch with social services. They are the people who sort out day care or longer term care. I think what I want at this stage is lots of day care and for Bill to come back to me and his familiar surroundings in the evening.
I think they might go for some full time care to give me a break and time to get a bit better.
I do feel very fragile- really quite unwell. But I have been here before. So, I guess it will go away again.
Others have been wonderful at giving support
People who know what it is like being with Bill 24 hours a day can see how awful it is. Even the moments when he is not banging and cackling are fraught as I tense up waiting for it to begin again.
Like me, people are beginning to see that there is probably more than dementia in Bill's brain. And those that don't understand how awful it is to be us- well, think yourselves lucky!
I have a feeling that we are at the edge of a new routine.