Tuesday, April 29, 2014


Content and sensible.

I feel content right now.
Despite everything, I feel good.
I have been out this evening for a couple of hours and met up with people from the Friday group.
Cups of tea and chat are so so good for me - especially when I don't have Bill with me. Sorry Bill, but your company can be very tiresome and tiring and I am constantly watching and waiting for problems when we are together.
I feel a kind of wonderful freedom to just go out and be with people I care about and incidentally get help, advice and support.
I have now arranged that Julie will come to the house on Monday afternoons from 12 o'clock for 4 hours to be with Bill.
I will be paying for this of course. It's no good me griping about spending money - this is a necessity; just the sort of thing we have been careful for all our lives.
That rainy day we were saving for has arrived.
It certainly means that I can continue in the antiques centre -  while Bill is at the present stage of dementia.
He will be in bed until about the time that Julie arrives and he will have a little time on his own after she has gone.
He doesn't need personal care, but I am happier that somebody will be with him. They could even go to La Rusta if they want!
I wasn't going to set this up until I knew what was happening to me, but Julie was at the group tonight and so I went ahead.
My GP, Dr. O made me feel good too. He has a feeling that I do not have cancer and I so want to believe him. Mustn't forget though that he also said Bill did not have Alzheimer's Disease. And he was actually fairly right really - because frontal temporal lobe dementia is not the same thing.
It's an awful thing! And Dr O is very receptive to the concept of me needing lots of support.
Well, I should think so - pancreatitis, possible cancer, man with dementia and a very tangled fraught medical history; it's enough to shatter anybody.
And maybe we can now add other possibilities!
I am to go and have more blood taken for testing tomorrow. I think he is still of a mind that the parathyroid glands might be out of balance. Or maybe my autoimmune system is becoming more broken.
Mind you the antinuclear antibody blood test could also show up Hodgkins Disease! Been there, done that! An easy cancer to cure they said - but as it turned out nothing about that time was easy for me.
I have an appointment with him again in a fortnight - the day after I will have seen the hospital specialist about my MRI scan.
Apart from these trips out, it has been a lazy day. I do feel tired a lot of the time.
If the opiates are making me tired, then so be it......life without pain feels better.
I did one of those silly quizzes on facebook today....what one word describes you?
It said that my word is "sensible".
Maybe that is just as well - there is just too much to be making a drama out of everything.