Sunday, April 20, 2014


Easter Blues.

What a lazy day!
Of course I had intended to be at the track, but I awoke in pain and very jittery and I imagined the crowds of people, the noise, the rushing about and felt scared.
I contacted Donna with my apologies.
It was only later I realised that it must have felt awful there today - so dark and gloomy and cold and wet.
Here is Donna's brief description.

Won't moan too much but was sat outside for 7 + hours today and still frozen to the bone nearly two hrs later. Wrapped up in four blanket layers and dressing gown. Lots of gaps in the timetable but as always at Crawley Athletics open meetings, the company was worth it. Just missed one friend Paula Monk (be well soon)... otherwise good wet cold fun!!

So I guess I was much better snug in my safe bed, where I was until gone midday.
My phone was my company, with opportunities for chatter with friends on facebook. It does me good to have to think about positive things when making comments. Other people are enjoying their lives and I am happy they share this with me.
Bill was also in his bed and all was quiet.

Eventually I knew that we should get up. Bill should have his bowl of cereal and I should drink something and have a rice cake.
So Bill came downstairs and got restless.
But for a while I was able to ignore it.
Maybe it was when I failed to ignore it he went back to his bed.

I sat downstairs and doodled. I love intricate doodling. It is soothing and therapeutic.
Later I gave Bill some paper and he drew a couple of small cartoon characters and then gave up.
I tried to tell him that in doodling there is no right or wrong way to do it. But he couldn't move on.

My friend, Mags loves a kit called zentangle which gives some structure to doodling. Maybe Bill might cope with that. But I doubt it - he is unable to keep himself occupied.
I think I prefer the freedom to allow my pencil to create what it will - I hardly think about it.

Maybe Bill felt he had failed - I don't know.
But the noise started in earnest. After 2 or 3 hours I was screaming at him, pleading with him to stop.
He hardly stopped when we ate a small cooked meal. He used his cutlery to to constantly hit his plate, his glass, the tray, the table.......yes, yes Bill I know they all make different sounds.
He washed up and sounded noisy, but happy - sort of singing a random song with lots of chicken sounds.
I decided I shouldn't reprimand him for sounding happy, and at least it was a bit different.

By twenty to eight he decided he should go to bed. He had nothing to do. He knew it was too early. He was down again an hour later, making himself a cup of coffee.
I tried to get Bill to think about what he might like to do tomorrow. He had no idea - I guess he no longer really knows the options. The weather will be better.
I will find the strength from somewhere to take him for a walk - somewhere quiet; so no National Trust places on the holiday Monday or anywhere like Tilgate Park. Maybe we'll go to the Jack and Jill windmills and walk a little from there - don't think I have the strength to reach the top of Ditchling Beacon. I would be so happy taking some photographs.