Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Farewell to Dave O.
Funerals!
We are awkward about funerals in this country - maybe they are in other countries too, but I think less so.
We no longer know exactly what to do.
In earlier times The Book of Common Prayer laid out the procedure for a funeral and it was followed. People felt secure, maybe, in the strict rules of death and funerals.
They knew what to do and when to do it.
Nowadays we, quite rightly, want a funeral to be a personal affair, reflecting the life of our loved one who has died and also the needs of their immediate grieving family.
If the family have no strong commitment to the church, they are left floundering as to the procedures they should follow.
They just know that they should end the day, feeling sure that they have done well for their loved one.
Mostly, all goes well.....and it did today.
I had been asked to do a reading at Dave O's funeral......to represent the timekeepers.
My name was on the service booklet.
But a week ago I was contacted and asked how long my talk would take. No! I could not deliver a talk. Not in this case. I have done it in the past for a member of my own family.
I persuaded the family that, where possible, these things are best done by the family and the celebrant.
Dave had no established religion and apart from favourite hymns, which we all know, there was little or know mention of God.
The celebrant told the story of Dave's life - as so often is the case there were surprises; things I didn't know about the man.
I think the celebrant (an elegant woman) picked up on Dave's activities and personality very well.
We finished with Chris Barber's jazz band - not there in person, of course!
They were playing The Teddy Bears' Picnic.
And then it was time to go out into the cold to greet everybody and chat......and, of course, it really was very cold.
And then......well, in this country we have no word for it; the time for family and friends to come together to share memories and companionship and food and drink.
It contrasts with the grieving and allows some relaxation and laughter.
It's not a party, not a reception, not a wake (too Irish, I guess). It ends up being called "afterwards".
The pub opposite - The Heathy Farm - does very well out of the funeral trade, for it is so convenient.
There was quite a gathering of timekeepers and others from athletics clubs around Sussex.
There were seven timekeepers - 5 of whom appear on this photo.
It dates from 1990.
Look at us!
All properly dressed - we are all less concerned about that these days.
Four of the TKs died before Dave.
Dave is standing at the back.
When I commented on this to Phyllis, his widow, and wondered why. she retorted "He'd probably fallen out with everybody!"
She knew her man, the man she loved!
We loved him and were frustrated by him in equal measure.
The timekeepers are like an extended family.....if we don't learn to tolerate each others' foibles, then the whole set up would fall apart.
The problem is that there are far too few people wishing to join the extended family.
Look at that lot....only 3 are younger than me.
I think much the same would still apply today. We rarely work with a Sussex timekeeper under the age of 60.
The funeral combined Dave's 2 extended families - his own and the timekeepers.
I was glad to see all of his family - the grandaughter he was so proud of when she was a toddler has grown to an attractive 25 year old, who he adored; she read a poem for him today. We used to hear so much about her - now we have met her.
I wish them all well as they move on into the future.
Our future includes timekeeping - next Sunday. In this bitter cold weather I quite long for the words "The Easter Sunday meeting has been cancelled".
But athletics meetings are never cancelled. I doubt that the athletes and their parents appreciate how much the officials might suffer on their behalf!
We are awkward about funerals in this country - maybe they are in other countries too, but I think less so.
We no longer know exactly what to do.
In earlier times The Book of Common Prayer laid out the procedure for a funeral and it was followed. People felt secure, maybe, in the strict rules of death and funerals.
They knew what to do and when to do it.
Nowadays we, quite rightly, want a funeral to be a personal affair, reflecting the life of our loved one who has died and also the needs of their immediate grieving family.
If the family have no strong commitment to the church, they are left floundering as to the procedures they should follow.
They just know that they should end the day, feeling sure that they have done well for their loved one.
Mostly, all goes well.....and it did today.
I had been asked to do a reading at Dave O's funeral......to represent the timekeepers.
My name was on the service booklet.
But a week ago I was contacted and asked how long my talk would take. No! I could not deliver a talk. Not in this case. I have done it in the past for a member of my own family.
I persuaded the family that, where possible, these things are best done by the family and the celebrant.
Dave had no established religion and apart from favourite hymns, which we all know, there was little or know mention of God.
The celebrant told the story of Dave's life - as so often is the case there were surprises; things I didn't know about the man.
I think the celebrant (an elegant woman) picked up on Dave's activities and personality very well.
We finished with Chris Barber's jazz band - not there in person, of course!
They were playing The Teddy Bears' Picnic.
And then it was time to go out into the cold to greet everybody and chat......and, of course, it really was very cold.
And then......well, in this country we have no word for it; the time for family and friends to come together to share memories and companionship and food and drink.
It contrasts with the grieving and allows some relaxation and laughter.
It's not a party, not a reception, not a wake (too Irish, I guess). It ends up being called "afterwards".
The pub opposite - The Heathy Farm - does very well out of the funeral trade, for it is so convenient.
There was quite a gathering of timekeepers and others from athletics clubs around Sussex.
There were seven timekeepers - 5 of whom appear on this photo.
It dates from 1990.
Look at us!
All properly dressed - we are all less concerned about that these days.
Four of the TKs died before Dave.
Dave is standing at the back.
When I commented on this to Phyllis, his widow, and wondered why. she retorted "He'd probably fallen out with everybody!"
She knew her man, the man she loved!
We loved him and were frustrated by him in equal measure.
The timekeepers are like an extended family.....if we don't learn to tolerate each others' foibles, then the whole set up would fall apart.
The problem is that there are far too few people wishing to join the extended family.
Look at that lot....only 3 are younger than me.
I think much the same would still apply today. We rarely work with a Sussex timekeeper under the age of 60.
The funeral combined Dave's 2 extended families - his own and the timekeepers.
I was glad to see all of his family - the grandaughter he was so proud of when she was a toddler has grown to an attractive 25 year old, who he adored; she read a poem for him today. We used to hear so much about her - now we have met her.
I wish them all well as they move on into the future.
Our future includes timekeeping - next Sunday. In this bitter cold weather I quite long for the words "The Easter Sunday meeting has been cancelled".
But athletics meetings are never cancelled. I doubt that the athletes and their parents appreciate how much the officials might suffer on their behalf!
