Thursday, May 08, 2014


Today at the D-Cafe

I must have been tired. Life is very tiring. I do have to pull myself back from worrying that my tiredness could be caused by my internal health issues.
I wish pain would go - it makes it even harder to deal with my man; and he is so exhausting, so much that I find it intolerable.
I slept early and well- until that hour that regularly wakes me; hello 3 o'clock. But what a joy - pictures of Jamie and John, enjoying an early morning walk on a beach.
It must have calmed me. The next thing I knew was the phone ringing at 10 o'clock.
The following hours passed slowly - I don't know what I actually did; surviving is such hard work.
Later in the afternoon I struggled again to get Bill up and out. "Why do I have to go?" "What if I don't want to go?"
Much later I was wondering about those questions. I might gain more by going places alone.
But that feels selfish and unloving. I so want Bill to have stimulation in his life. But ultimately I know that I will have to be selfish to survive.
Bill did enjoy the D-Cafe, though for a while he certainly spoiled other people's pleasure.
Most people are there to chat, be happy and enjoy some musical entertainment
Bill is there to eat, bang and wander about.
I will vouch for the food - learned just how good prawn and mango wraps from Marks and Spencers are.
After 2 hours we returned home and both dozed. Oh how I relish Bill's dozing!
Yearning for him to go to bed now.
Yearning for the impossible....Oh how I would like my old life back. I could also just wish that Bill had a simpler dementia.