Sunday, May 11, 2014


Mustn't grumble

Acc-en-tu-ate the I will.
Lazy Sunday has been a treat.
I was awake reasonably early and enjoyed the morning in bed with sudoku, crosswords, facebook etc.
Bill was in bed until 1 o'clock.
So, lots of peaceful hours.
We decided to go out - needed some things from Lidl.
But laziness persisted and it was much later we that we set off. The Mr Bean cartoon on CITV kept Bill quiet for a while.
Shopping was done  successfully, Bill didn't draw too much attention to himself. And we have the chocolate digestive biscuits that are important to him - and more basic stuff like washing up liquid.
The young guy on the check out was amused by Bill's chicken impression and the drumming. He laughed with Bill.
You wouldn't laugh I said, with a smile, if you could hear it 24 hours a day.
"No - think I would have run away a long time ago!".
Don't tempt me young man!
Then a decision had to be la Rusta or not to La Rusta? Remembering that we had not yet eaten anything so far.
But I just hate to be anywhere now with Bill if he is being very noisy.
I took the risk.
And Bill was moderately quiet and I felt relaxed.
The soup had all gone.
Maybe that was a good thing for who could not be relaxed with my second choice food?

Super food and prepared and served with love.

When we left, Bill began......began his repertoire of noise until I felt crushed under the weight of it.
I wonder what starts him off?
Well, at least he didn't do it much in La Rusta,
It's quite scary to hear him alone in his room making so much noise. What is going through his head?
This comes from an American woman's blog.

Like Alzheimer’s disease, FTD can cause memory loss, but it can also cause dramatic personality changes, including apathy; many lose their ability to communicate, and because the disease gnaws away at the gray matter that controls behavior, many with FTD act out; they may yell, become socially inappropriate, impulsive, aggressive and completely incapable of understanding that their actions have consequences. Adding to an already challenging and misunderstood situation, some individuals, like my mother earlier on, don’t even realize that something is terribly wrong.

It seems apt to quote this now as earlier on I was talking to a friend on the phone and she was concerned that he may have some personality disorder other than a dementia. No - FTD  (frontal temporal lobe dementia) is a personality disorder.
It is slightly reassuring to me to remember that Bill is not more of a lunatic than the FTD makes him be.

Bill went to bed early. He needs a lot of sleep - and that is my peace time.

And before I finish accentuating the positive I share with you a picture of Bill being happy.

That's Bill with Louise who gave him tender care and support at the Friday group.
I am sure Louise can cope with Bill being inappropriate within reason. Saying the first thing that comes into your head is an FTD symptom.
Last Friday he went out with the carers to carry in our dinners. He walked behind one of them and called out "That's a mighty fine arse!"
Those of you who know Bill will understand that those words were not typical of the man he was.....though the man he was might have thought saucy thoughts of course.
I don't know if was being saucy or just stating a fact as he saw it.
He points out people who are fat too.

And now I have to accentuate the positive on my own behalf. I wonder just what I shall be telling you tomorrow evening.
I am ready to accept hospital investigations and treatment; maybe chemotherapy.
I have to be ready - and then if need be, to get all my carers and supporters to be ready to deal with Bill.
He doesn't understand why I have mentioned that full time in a care home may be his only option.
He thinks he has all his mental faculties in place.
Right, mustn't dwell on it.
Bed time.