Thursday, March 20, 2014


Needing to feel cherished - cake saves the day!

Too tired to travel today.
Feeling fraught.
Medical matters might mean trouble.......and might not. But today my mind has been busy with tales of what might be. Tales of the old troubles rearing up again.
There is no escape from such thoughts - once your life has been threatened by something that can return those buried thoughts can rise up at any time.  You never truly escape cancer.
Next Friday morning I will see the doctor and he may well have to refer me on.
I can feel the problem "down below". I want it to go away.
So tiredness and fraughtness kept me away from my usual challenges. I did not go to Ford.
I rested for a lot of the morning - didn't get up much earlier than Bill.
My only useful work was to renew the car tax.
I have also talked with a woman at Sussex University about getting a copy of Bill's MRI scan. She is trying to contact the memory assessment service to get their permission to release it. Once she gets the OK, then we can go and collect it - and pay up; it is only £10 and might prove to be very useful.

By the middle of the day the weather had turned from any semblence of Spring - not good on the day that was always officially the first day of Spring.
It was cold - that chilly wind has returned.
We decided to go to la Rusta to relax and feel warm....and cherished.
We certainly got that - though at first I was disappointed that the chilly wind had encouraged everybody to have soup today and there was none left.
So, I ordered parisienne scrambled eggs - asking Alex to be a bit sparing with the goat's cheese.
It was amazing.

Masses of sweet little tomatoes hidden within the scrambled egg..
It felt very relaxed today.
Bill was almost charming!
He maybe offered me a bit of a break through - but probably will have forgotten by now.
He asked me if I had known all those years ago about all that is happening now, would I have married him?
That's the first time I have heard any acknowledgement from Bill that there might be problems now.
My answer was obviously that I would have married him - because young love believes it can conquer any problem.
And old love is doing a pretty good job of coping.
We discussed the problem with Alex too - so easy to talk with.
He had been given a booklet today about dementia. It was from Crawley Council - who seem to be doing  very well at promoting dementia awareness.
We are not lucky at all - but have to count our blessings that dementia is no longer an unmentionable word.
Alex then decided that Bill would like some chocolate cake. I insisted that this time I would pay for it. I love his gifts - and the fact that he loves to treat his customers so well - but he runs a business.
So the cake came with 2 forks.

Beautifully presented isn't it?

And so yummy to eat!                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

Bill said he should go and pay (well, it's all out of the same bank account) but I was happy that he should take over and do the normal thing.
It was only later that I realised he hadn't been charged for the cake - they just wouldn't charge Bill!

We needed virtually no food this evening. I just had  some grapefruit from a tin - refreshing.
And I was dozing just a bit too.
Still tired.
Should feel better tomorrow I hope.
I had thought of going to the dementia group Forget me Not, where our friend Mandy works.
Maybe our first visit might be better in 2 weeks time.
It is a group where we can be together or where one of us could go alone.

We have an electricity problem. The two way switch at the top and bottom of the stairs suddenly doesn't just turn the stairs lights off, it turns all the downstairs lights off. And it can turn them back on again.
Tomorrow I must check if the trip switch can be thrown even though no fuse has gone.
I presume there is no broken fuse or the lights couldn't be switched back on again.
Or I must get an electrician.
Rolf - are you an electrician? It could be left until Monday!