Friday, March 14, 2014


Dementia Diary 14th March 2014.

I feel like my poor brain has been punched and mangled.
I feel deflated and collapsed.
It seems that I have been breaking the law......again!
Some may not know that I will be doing a driver awareness course for a minor misdemeanor.
I didn't know I was breaking the law again.........but ignorance is no defence; though I hope extenuating circumstances might come into play.
Bill got a reminder a week or so ago about renewing car tax.
Today I decided that I had better do something about it. I knew he would not, could not.
First I searched for the log book.
Then I searched for the MOT certificate.
I couldn't find it and wondered if it was in the car......Bill brought it in.
"But Bill, this has run out."
"Has it, I didn't know that"
It ran out 9 days ago.
No wonder that when I went to renew the tax on line I couldn't get past the MOT certificate issue.
This is something I have never had to deal with before.
I have booked the MOT test for next Tuesday and was told that, apart from driving to the garage, the car shouldn't be used.
And many friends have said the same thing on facebook. We are not covered by insurance and could face a hefty fine.
It may well be that the crime is already being written up and will be on its way in the post. The car has been driven in the last 9 days - quite a lot.
Speed cameras may have picked things up or police cameras within police cars.
I am down to be in the shop tomorrow - covering for Steve. I can't let people down.
Train times have been worked out. If I leave home at half past eight and walk to Crawley Station I should be in the shop shortly after 10 o'clock. The car journey takes 25 - 30 minutes.
But I will have to go to Redhill and change trains.
I guess I shall be doing the same on Monday.
Oh life......don't talk to me about life!

This has also confused Bill - alright for you husband, you will stay home, in bed!
"What are we doing tomorrow?"
"I'm going to Dorking to be in the shop. I will be going by train."
"Because there is no MOT certificate"
"Isn't there, I wonder why."
"It needs renewing"
"How would I do that?"
"I have already organised that it will go to Tates on Tuesday"
"What is Tates?"
"Tates is the garage where you always took the car to for MOT testing and anything else that needed doing"
"Where is it?"
And so on......and to make sure shall we go through it all again!

Today I spoke to a different person at the driving assessment centre. She advised that I get Bill referred by the memory clinic people. She thought it would be done more quickly.
So I now have to talk with them......on Monday, to see if they can organise it. I was told on Wednesday that I could self refer and pay.
I want it done as soon as possible. I believe that Bill is probably quite safe - but him driving leads to tension and rows. I might ring the assessment people first on Monday and explain how pressurised I feel and please allow me to arrange for the test - it will still be a 6 week wait.
I feel so down.
I wish Bill could at least acknowledge that there is a problem. He must know that it is not normal behaviour to be like he is. But he doesn't know.
Tonight there has been one bang too many and I broke you know what he said?
"Maybe you should be in a home"
Oh - he has just offered to drive me to the station in the morning!
And so we go through the conversation again about the lack of MOT certificate. And anyway he wouldn't get up in time.
Just like there is nothing wrong with his brain, in his eyes......then there is nothing wrong with driving without an MOT certificate.

Keeping Bill happy is enough. But there is also housework, meals, laundry to deal with. And I am trying to ensure that I still feel reasonably fulfilled.
I have also been late ordering repeat prescriptions - so we will be without some pills until Tuesday, because I will not have time to get them before then.
"Stop the world - I want to get off"