Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Walking back into the trap
I have really enjoyed browsing through old photos in the last few days. On Sunday I searched for pictures of sports hall athletics.
Jamie faced booked them and others from his generation have been taken down memory lane too.
Jamie asked for more and so did others.
So, today I put 5 more onto Facebook - both Jamie and Ashley. I found I could name quite a lot of names of boys in the photos - but then many of them had been in my class at Southgate West School.
But did I really want to be reminded of life in the classroom?
Last night I was caught up in one of my most common dream themes - education.
I am always in situations where I can feel the spider's web trapping me ever more tightly and seeing no escape - only shame that I have completely failed to be what I once thought I ought to be.
My dreams always have me at some deadline point and I have not done whatever project should have been done.
Sometimes it is a college project; other times it is something I should have done for a staff meeting.
I want to run away - but where do I run to?
It is possible that some of my ex pupils might read this. I want to assure you that it was never the fault of you or any of the other children that caused me to feel such hell.
I really enjoyed buidling relationships with children.
I was just an unhappy square peg in a round hole.
My fault!
I should have been able to sort out where my talents lay and followed through on them instead of being gently manipulated into directions that I should not have gone in.
But no matter - I shall continue to look through old photographs and publish on facebook as many as I can find that would be worthwhile.
Where shall I start with news of the day?
I must tell you that there is a thin covering of snow on the ground. And it feels really chilly in the easterly wind.
This afternoon we spent some time in B & Q. I had sent Bill down on his own this morning, but decisions had to be made and I really should have accompanied him first time. But I had done my best to avoid the B&Q experience!
We have ordered wood flooring for the kitchen/dining room/study.
I look forward to the work being finished and I am sure I will be pleased. I don't know when that will be - we will have to tie things up with Michael, who is coming to lay it for us.
Bill could do it. But his rheumatoid arthritis needs consideration and often quite small tasks leave him troubled.
Just to add to the excitement of the afternoon we also looked at loos!
The one we had fitted when we had the new bathroom is not good enough. It doesn't flush as well as it needs to. Gipping flut and all that!
I have just been contacted by an EBay buyer - he has received the wrong book. Oh no - I must have sent his book to somebody else and 2 books are in the wrong place. It isn't actually as complicated as that - I sent him an unsold book and I have the one he wants here. I can post it in the morning first class and he will get it very quickly after the wrong one.
Ebay is throwing me some problems at the moment.
My lovely 1950s coffee table has not arrived. I am sad.
I have now refunded the money and next week I will be able to put in a claim to Royal Mail. You have to wait at least 15 days after the expected date of delivery.
Even if it turns up now it will be a complication - and maybe I will never know if the buyer didn't tell me so.
The vet has informed us that George should increase his medication. We don't have to double the dose. It will be one week on one pill a day and then the next week on 2 pills a day. He will have another blood test in 6 months.
And that is that.
Good night.
Jamie faced booked them and others from his generation have been taken down memory lane too.
Jamie asked for more and so did others.
So, today I put 5 more onto Facebook - both Jamie and Ashley. I found I could name quite a lot of names of boys in the photos - but then many of them had been in my class at Southgate West School.
But did I really want to be reminded of life in the classroom?
Last night I was caught up in one of my most common dream themes - education.
I am always in situations where I can feel the spider's web trapping me ever more tightly and seeing no escape - only shame that I have completely failed to be what I once thought I ought to be.
My dreams always have me at some deadline point and I have not done whatever project should have been done.
Sometimes it is a college project; other times it is something I should have done for a staff meeting.
I want to run away - but where do I run to?
It is possible that some of my ex pupils might read this. I want to assure you that it was never the fault of you or any of the other children that caused me to feel such hell.
I really enjoyed buidling relationships with children.
I was just an unhappy square peg in a round hole.
My fault!
I should have been able to sort out where my talents lay and followed through on them instead of being gently manipulated into directions that I should not have gone in.
But no matter - I shall continue to look through old photographs and publish on facebook as many as I can find that would be worthwhile.
Where shall I start with news of the day?
I must tell you that there is a thin covering of snow on the ground. And it feels really chilly in the easterly wind.
This afternoon we spent some time in B & Q. I had sent Bill down on his own this morning, but decisions had to be made and I really should have accompanied him first time. But I had done my best to avoid the B&Q experience!
We have ordered wood flooring for the kitchen/dining room/study.
I look forward to the work being finished and I am sure I will be pleased. I don't know when that will be - we will have to tie things up with Michael, who is coming to lay it for us.
Bill could do it. But his rheumatoid arthritis needs consideration and often quite small tasks leave him troubled.
Just to add to the excitement of the afternoon we also looked at loos!
The one we had fitted when we had the new bathroom is not good enough. It doesn't flush as well as it needs to. Gipping flut and all that!
I have just been contacted by an EBay buyer - he has received the wrong book. Oh no - I must have sent his book to somebody else and 2 books are in the wrong place. It isn't actually as complicated as that - I sent him an unsold book and I have the one he wants here. I can post it in the morning first class and he will get it very quickly after the wrong one.
Ebay is throwing me some problems at the moment.
My lovely 1950s coffee table has not arrived. I am sad.
I have now refunded the money and next week I will be able to put in a claim to Royal Mail. You have to wait at least 15 days after the expected date of delivery.
Even if it turns up now it will be a complication - and maybe I will never know if the buyer didn't tell me so.
The vet has informed us that George should increase his medication. We don't have to double the dose. It will be one week on one pill a day and then the next week on 2 pills a day. He will have another blood test in 6 months.
And that is that.
Good night.
