Wednesday, August 26, 2009
The depressing day after.
Yesterday was a special day - but what I didn't say was that I do find my birthday a bit depressing.
It is a day that symbolises my new beginning as a baby, but also the passing of the years.
It is also symbolises the passing of summer.
This does mean it brings new beginnings, but not one I really relished.
My birthday has for as long as I can remember marked the end of summer. Those hazy, lazy days of summer are behind us and the new school year beckons.
I didn't like it as a child and I think I feared it even more as a a teacher. I was not a willing teacher really - loved the relationships with the children of course, but I never felt I was good enough for the job. I think each new school year had me fearful of the failures to come - not really getting to grips with all that needed to be done.
There is no doubt that teaching was a mistake for me - but I made the best of it. And I know that some of the children (now very much adults) have some good memories of things we did together.
My body clock is very well attuned to this regular seasonal feelings - even though this is the 19th year that the new school year has not been a part of my life.
So, today has been a day to feel negative.
And what happened? A fence happened.
We were expecting it - but it hurts.
I am in mourning today for the freedom of having easy access to a field for play and to look at.
Take a look at it last year.
This was the view at the front of the house.
It is a day that symbolises my new beginning as a baby, but also the passing of the years.
It is also symbolises the passing of summer.
This does mean it brings new beginnings, but not one I really relished.
My birthday has for as long as I can remember marked the end of summer. Those hazy, lazy days of summer are behind us and the new school year beckons.
I didn't like it as a child and I think I feared it even more as a a teacher. I was not a willing teacher really - loved the relationships with the children of course, but I never felt I was good enough for the job. I think each new school year had me fearful of the failures to come - not really getting to grips with all that needed to be done.
There is no doubt that teaching was a mistake for me - but I made the best of it. And I know that some of the children (now very much adults) have some good memories of things we did together.
My body clock is very well attuned to this regular seasonal feelings - even though this is the 19th year that the new school year has not been a part of my life.
So, today has been a day to feel negative.
And what happened? A fence happened.
We were expecting it - but it hurts.
I am in mourning today for the freedom of having easy access to a field for play and to look at.
Take a look at it last year.
This was the view at the front of the house.
Now look!
There is no further access.
I suppose the builders might move in very soon.
And just to increase my feeling of depression - today has been gloomy and grey and chilly - and now it is raining quite hard.
I will close with a little Edward Kennedy philosophy.
Were we wrong, as young people, to believe in the Kennedy dream?
They were just politicians after all - and powerless against the might of high finance and industry.
I hope we were not completely wrong - or it means that nobody with a dream can dare to change things.
Edward Kennedy's little tale tells of the dream very well.
A little boy sees an old man collecting starfish on a beach and throwing them back into the sea. "There are so many" the little boy asks " What difference can your efforts possibly make?"
The old man studies the starfish in his hand and tosses it to safety,
saying "It makes a difference to that one."
Thanks to Mark for that one.
Now scroll down to see the joy of the birthday celebrations.
