Wednesday, January 29, 2014


It's Alzheimer's Disease, Bill.

My husband seems so very far away.
The distance stabs at my heart.
No the loud echoing claps and bangs stab at my heart.
The morning was quiet for me - Bill didn't get up until half past twelve.
Up ,but not for living, but his repertoire of noise.
After lunch I tried to talk with Bill about my life......I know, pointless!
I tried to explain what has happened to his brain - that it is a disease, not him being mad, silly or naughty.
I explained that our brains are like a collection of packages all linked together with something like pieces of string and within the packages, threads connect all the different things together.
I told him that in Alzheimer's Disease the strings and threads get broken.
"I haven't got Alzheimer's Disease have I?"
I don't think it bothers him one way or the other because he doesn't now know what is involved.
I reminded him that the doctor had said so last week.
She gave him a prescription for tablets which contain something to make the strings and threads stronger.
I apologised for getting cross with him and told him how the claps and bangs hurt me.
"Oh, I'll stop doing it then!"
Do I have hope of that? No.
We needed some shopping. Bill decided not to come. I don't blame him; it has been wet and soggy all day.
I went off like a child released from school and enjoyed a big shop on my own.
I have bought foods for Bill and I can concentrate on ensuring that my own diet is better.
What with the stress and everything my digestion is behaving very badly.
But I did buy myself a big bottle of red vermouth - a small glass of that after Bill has gone to bed feels right.
I could have that quite soon......twenty past eight and Bill is upstairs and ready for bed.
His hernia is hurting lots today - I have made sure he has some pain killers and will disturb him enough later to take some more.
Next Tuesday is his pre operation assessment appointment.
I will make a GP appointment to discuss again his other hernia - the hiatus hernia. The uncontrollable loud belching is as bad as the clapping! He was given some peppermint oil tablets - and at first didn't bother to take them. Recently I have put myself in charge of all his medication and we find that the peppermint oil does nothing to control the belching.
Before he went to bed, I asked Bill if he knew the name of the disease the doctor said he had.
He didn't know.
"Alzheimer's Disease" I reminded him.
"I haven't got that have have I?"
So, we were right back at the conversation we had just a few hours earlier.
It was a chat - with me talking and it did me good maybe........and made no difference to Bill whatsoever.
But tomorrow is another day.
A dry day hopefully - cloudy and chilly maybe; but dry would be good.
I want to go to Ford....I am in the shop on Saturday, so I can't go then.
Bill plans to come with me. I hope so.