Sunday, March 04, 2012
First Sunday in March
It was a day to make anybody feel cross.
What a grey day.
I don't know how much rain has fallen - lots. I didn't feel consoled when the weather man on Countryfile called it "Useful Rain". I suppose every little helps in this time of water shortage.
Then I felt cross with the computer - well, not all of it.
Once, we had the camera working on it so that we could video call Thailand successfully. But not now. If they call us the computer crashes. Actually for a while we could see and hear them, but they couldn't see us or hear us. Oh frustration! It is Jamie's birthday - I want to hear his voice. And for him to hear my birthday wishes.
I started to get moody with Bill - he should have fixed it!!!
But bless him, he doesn't know what is wrong. It is probably something simple like a setting that needs tweeking.
Oh moody me.
I picked up our normal phone and called Jamie's mobile! Expense or no expense, I needed to do it.
Then it was Monika's turn to increase my moodiness. I didn't get cross - but I couldn't find the oomph to be chatty.
Its a complicated story - usually is with Monika - but basically she says that she can't be in the shop tomorrow.
She wants to be in London tomorrow with her 21 year old daughter at the dental hospital - I think it is still consultation rather than treatment. Monika had arranged no replacement for herself. She had forgotten.
The truth is - she probably didn't have to get anybody else. Bill and I are quite capable of doing the job on our own.
But its not fair - being taken advantage of again. Stephen has now agreed to come in for half a day.
Perhaps Monika's complicated woes flung me into my own subconscious woes. There they suddenly were!
At 21, I was married and independent; and I couldn't have assumed that my mother would be mothering me during a medical appointment.
Suddenly the day - this day - flung me back to the 1st Sunday in March 45 years ago.
This is the anniversary of the day (though not exactly the date) of when I last saw my mother.
It would also have been my brother Robin's birthday. The young man that I knew (he died aged 33) would have today happily reached retirement age.
Did I really know either of them? Not properly I fear.
I guess it has taken my own glimpses of death to have accepted some maturity and freedom into my life.
I think they would both be proud and interested in the me of today. I am sure they probably were then - but I fear I wasn't giving them much to be proud of.
This would also have been my parent's wedding anniversary - a hurriedly arranged wedding which would take them on into a place where they could sort out their dreams. I can see that the dreams evaporated into the routine of reality - they never got a small farm where they could live out their free socialist ideals. Bless them they were the hippies of their day.
As happens almost every year - I shall be glad when the 1st Sunday in March is once again in the past.
Here we have the key players in today's moodiness.
Well, of course - I am the moody one.
Mum looks really happy way back then in 1948 - I think the dreams were still alive.
Robin was a bonny toddler - old ladies adored him!
I shall be fine tomorrow I am sure. I have nowhere near the depression that sometimes came at this time - just this nasty crankiness.
I'm going to have a glass of wine before bedtime!
What a grey day.
I don't know how much rain has fallen - lots. I didn't feel consoled when the weather man on Countryfile called it "Useful Rain". I suppose every little helps in this time of water shortage.
Then I felt cross with the computer - well, not all of it.
Once, we had the camera working on it so that we could video call Thailand successfully. But not now. If they call us the computer crashes. Actually for a while we could see and hear them, but they couldn't see us or hear us. Oh frustration! It is Jamie's birthday - I want to hear his voice. And for him to hear my birthday wishes.
I started to get moody with Bill - he should have fixed it!!!
But bless him, he doesn't know what is wrong. It is probably something simple like a setting that needs tweeking.
Oh moody me.
I picked up our normal phone and called Jamie's mobile! Expense or no expense, I needed to do it.
Then it was Monika's turn to increase my moodiness. I didn't get cross - but I couldn't find the oomph to be chatty.
Its a complicated story - usually is with Monika - but basically she says that she can't be in the shop tomorrow.
She wants to be in London tomorrow with her 21 year old daughter at the dental hospital - I think it is still consultation rather than treatment. Monika had arranged no replacement for herself. She had forgotten.
The truth is - she probably didn't have to get anybody else. Bill and I are quite capable of doing the job on our own.
But its not fair - being taken advantage of again. Stephen has now agreed to come in for half a day.
Perhaps Monika's complicated woes flung me into my own subconscious woes. There they suddenly were!
At 21, I was married and independent; and I couldn't have assumed that my mother would be mothering me during a medical appointment.
Suddenly the day - this day - flung me back to the 1st Sunday in March 45 years ago.
This is the anniversary of the day (though not exactly the date) of when I last saw my mother.
It would also have been my brother Robin's birthday. The young man that I knew (he died aged 33) would have today happily reached retirement age.
Did I really know either of them? Not properly I fear.
I guess it has taken my own glimpses of death to have accepted some maturity and freedom into my life.
I think they would both be proud and interested in the me of today. I am sure they probably were then - but I fear I wasn't giving them much to be proud of.
This would also have been my parent's wedding anniversary - a hurriedly arranged wedding which would take them on into a place where they could sort out their dreams. I can see that the dreams evaporated into the routine of reality - they never got a small farm where they could live out their free socialist ideals. Bless them they were the hippies of their day.
As happens almost every year - I shall be glad when the 1st Sunday in March is once again in the past.
Well, of course - I am the moody one.
Mum looks really happy way back then in 1948 - I think the dreams were still alive.
Robin was a bonny toddler - old ladies adored him!
I shall be fine tomorrow I am sure. I have nowhere near the depression that sometimes came at this time - just this nasty crankiness.
I'm going to have a glass of wine before bedtime!
