Thursday, November 19, 2009
A sense of foreboding
I really hope the feeling of optimism I have this evening is justified.
I think I am a creature of feelings and instincts.
This afternoon I quite suddenly had a less positive feeling.
Some would say that thoughts and feelings can be directed by energies in the environment and atmosphere.
Others would look for a more logical explanation.
I am somewhere between the two.
I can see some logic in why I suddenly was fearful for my good friend Jo's husband.
Yesterday I phoned and both she and her husband were not at home - or at least not available to answer the phone. I thought no more about it.
But, as I stood behind the ironing board, I began to feel concern.
There may be some logic - Peter has a serious heart condition and what I have heard from Jo reminds me of how my Dad was affected by a similar condition. Both men saw the same heart consultant.
Peter is now 77 - and that is the age at which Dad died. The anniversary of his death is tomorrow. I wasn't consciously thinking of this anniversary but of course things lurk in our subconscious.
As I worked on the ironing pile I feared for Peter. I imagined him in hospital and in a bad way.
Silly Paula! I tried to tell myself that I am just a day dreamer, imagining all sorts of things.
It was a very short while after I had completed the task that the phone rang.
It was Jo.
Peter is in hospital and at that very moment was in the operating theatre.
I felt just a bit spooked.
The problem that took him to hospital is not about his heart. He has problems with the corneas on one eye - he was very close to losing his sight and the doctors wanted to operate straight away. It would be a long operation of 2 to 4 hours.
But the heart consultant had already decreed that Peter was not fit enough for anaesthetic.
The operation was delayed a little to try and resolve these issues.
And this afternoon they went ahead.
I know no more.
I do feel optimistic that he has come through. Please may I be right.
My own health was centre stage for a while this morning. I had to collect samples from the stoma and take them to the doctor's for testing.
Why do I have no wee when I would like there to be some?
Bill and I did our fast walk into town again this morning to deliver my samples.
It is hard work striding out up the hill. My calves still feel painful from doing it the other day.
We went on to do a little shopping in Asda. And I did something in there that I rarely do - I bought brand new shop clothing. Well, OK - I bought tights on Tuesday in Primark.
My eye was taken by knitted thick cardigans which look like a duffel coat.
It has a hood and toggles.
I tried one on and went to look in the mirror and I loved it.
It was only £12 - more than I normally pay for my clothes of course, but a real bargain for a shop bought item.
We caught the bus back home.
Bill got off before me to check out a postage charge for a large model aeroplane that he is selling on EBay. Somebody wanted to know the best price with insurance to Poland.
That person has been very helpful and added to Bill's knowledge about the model. All the Polish person (well English probably) has to do now is bid for it.
Weather has been very fair today. It is the north and west who are suffering tremendous rainfall at the moment. This includes north Wales - with flooding and problems.
It seems that we get our turn again for the heavy rain on Saturday - so another week without going to the Ford car boot sale.
I think I am a creature of feelings and instincts.
This afternoon I quite suddenly had a less positive feeling.
Some would say that thoughts and feelings can be directed by energies in the environment and atmosphere.
Others would look for a more logical explanation.
I am somewhere between the two.
I can see some logic in why I suddenly was fearful for my good friend Jo's husband.
Yesterday I phoned and both she and her husband were not at home - or at least not available to answer the phone. I thought no more about it.
But, as I stood behind the ironing board, I began to feel concern.
There may be some logic - Peter has a serious heart condition and what I have heard from Jo reminds me of how my Dad was affected by a similar condition. Both men saw the same heart consultant.
Peter is now 77 - and that is the age at which Dad died. The anniversary of his death is tomorrow. I wasn't consciously thinking of this anniversary but of course things lurk in our subconscious.
As I worked on the ironing pile I feared for Peter. I imagined him in hospital and in a bad way.
Silly Paula! I tried to tell myself that I am just a day dreamer, imagining all sorts of things.
It was a very short while after I had completed the task that the phone rang.
It was Jo.
Peter is in hospital and at that very moment was in the operating theatre.
I felt just a bit spooked.
The problem that took him to hospital is not about his heart. He has problems with the corneas on one eye - he was very close to losing his sight and the doctors wanted to operate straight away. It would be a long operation of 2 to 4 hours.
But the heart consultant had already decreed that Peter was not fit enough for anaesthetic.
The operation was delayed a little to try and resolve these issues.
And this afternoon they went ahead.
I know no more.
I do feel optimistic that he has come through. Please may I be right.
My own health was centre stage for a while this morning. I had to collect samples from the stoma and take them to the doctor's for testing.
Why do I have no wee when I would like there to be some?
Bill and I did our fast walk into town again this morning to deliver my samples.
It is hard work striding out up the hill. My calves still feel painful from doing it the other day.
We went on to do a little shopping in Asda. And I did something in there that I rarely do - I bought brand new shop clothing. Well, OK - I bought tights on Tuesday in Primark.
My eye was taken by knitted thick cardigans which look like a duffel coat.
It has a hood and toggles.
I tried one on and went to look in the mirror and I loved it.
It was only £12 - more than I normally pay for my clothes of course, but a real bargain for a shop bought item.
We caught the bus back home.
Bill got off before me to check out a postage charge for a large model aeroplane that he is selling on EBay. Somebody wanted to know the best price with insurance to Poland.
That person has been very helpful and added to Bill's knowledge about the model. All the Polish person (well English probably) has to do now is bid for it.
Weather has been very fair today. It is the north and west who are suffering tremendous rainfall at the moment. This includes north Wales - with flooding and problems.
It seems that we get our turn again for the heavy rain on Saturday - so another week without going to the Ford car boot sale.
