Saturday, July 18, 2009
Over the top emotionally and physically.
I haven't felt good today - the usual physical complaints and also I felt like I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.
It wasn't actually the world's problem - just a whole heap of emotion being acknowledged.
Strange how something trivial - or at least not of really major importance can set things off.
I noticed yesterday evening that it was a week until Jessica's birthday.
We almost bought her present whilst we were there, but it seems that nothing was quite right.
If only we had.
Back home we bought a small portable CD player and a heap of story CDs and some clothes and parcelled them up and sent them off. Postage is expensive of course - but Jessica is worth it.
We sent it to the Sunrise Divers PO Box.
But we still don't know if it has arrived.
This could just be because Jamie hasn't been to look. I pray that is the reason.
We had talked a lot with Jessica about her birthday. She was so indignant when the parcel we sent last year didn't arrive. That was sent to the home address and we hope that the PO Box might be safer - John's parcel arrived.
Suddenly I felt a great wave of emotion about letting Jessica down. I felt really weepy.
I wanted to be with her, to talk to her and to go and buy a present for her, with her.
In bed I started to feel like I was in bed in Thailand and only had to open the door and there they all would be and I could hug them and talk.
I had blocked out such emotions on our return. Being away from the family is part of life and best to be accepted. They have their life and we have ours. Maybe I even adopted this attitude a bit too much whilst we were there - fearing to get too close.
I still feel weepy this evening.
It will feel so bad if this parcel doesn't arrive safely for it would mean that it is not ever worthwhile sending them anything ever again.
But these things pass. Maybe I will have to start making plans to go again next year.
This evening I have a physical problem that may not pass. Cramp! I get it in my legs at night quite often - that makes me feel weepy too. I could scream sometimes.
I also get it in my feet at times during the day.
Now it is my hands.
I was prepared to believe Bill when he said it might be over use of the mouse. But it is in both hands. My fingers go into spasm and shoot into angles that they hadn't intended and I can do nothing about it, except massage a bit and whimper.
This evening it happened when I was changing the wee bag. You can imagine that it was completely the wrong time for my hands to cease to function.
I now accept Bill's advice that I should talk to the doctor about it.
The day itself hasn't been very successful. We went to Ford and didn't buy very much. This might be because we were feeling negative or just because things we wanted at affordable prices were not there.
We drove straight home.
Then we decided to have another go and went to the boot sale at Edenbridge, and again came home with very little.
We have got lots of Kentish cherries - which I am sure I shouldn't eat (for digestive reasons), but they are wonderful fruits.
I'll have some shortly with a cup of tea.
More frustration in Le Tour de France. "Cav" made a muck of of the final sprint and was disqualified.
Golf and cricket have been satisfying and soothing to watch (in the case of the golf) or to listen to in the case of the cricket.
Good roast dinner this evening - thank you Bill for getting things in the oven whilst my hands wouldn't work.
It wasn't actually the world's problem - just a whole heap of emotion being acknowledged.
Strange how something trivial - or at least not of really major importance can set things off.
I noticed yesterday evening that it was a week until Jessica's birthday.
We almost bought her present whilst we were there, but it seems that nothing was quite right.
If only we had.
Back home we bought a small portable CD player and a heap of story CDs and some clothes and parcelled them up and sent them off. Postage is expensive of course - but Jessica is worth it.
We sent it to the Sunrise Divers PO Box.
But we still don't know if it has arrived.
This could just be because Jamie hasn't been to look. I pray that is the reason.
We had talked a lot with Jessica about her birthday. She was so indignant when the parcel we sent last year didn't arrive. That was sent to the home address and we hope that the PO Box might be safer - John's parcel arrived.
Suddenly I felt a great wave of emotion about letting Jessica down. I felt really weepy.
I wanted to be with her, to talk to her and to go and buy a present for her, with her.
In bed I started to feel like I was in bed in Thailand and only had to open the door and there they all would be and I could hug them and talk.
I had blocked out such emotions on our return. Being away from the family is part of life and best to be accepted. They have their life and we have ours. Maybe I even adopted this attitude a bit too much whilst we were there - fearing to get too close.
I still feel weepy this evening.
It will feel so bad if this parcel doesn't arrive safely for it would mean that it is not ever worthwhile sending them anything ever again.
But these things pass. Maybe I will have to start making plans to go again next year.
This evening I have a physical problem that may not pass. Cramp! I get it in my legs at night quite often - that makes me feel weepy too. I could scream sometimes.
I also get it in my feet at times during the day.
Now it is my hands.
I was prepared to believe Bill when he said it might be over use of the mouse. But it is in both hands. My fingers go into spasm and shoot into angles that they hadn't intended and I can do nothing about it, except massage a bit and whimper.
This evening it happened when I was changing the wee bag. You can imagine that it was completely the wrong time for my hands to cease to function.
I now accept Bill's advice that I should talk to the doctor about it.
The day itself hasn't been very successful. We went to Ford and didn't buy very much. This might be because we were feeling negative or just because things we wanted at affordable prices were not there.
We drove straight home.
Then we decided to have another go and went to the boot sale at Edenbridge, and again came home with very little.
We have got lots of Kentish cherries - which I am sure I shouldn't eat (for digestive reasons), but they are wonderful fruits.
I'll have some shortly with a cup of tea.
More frustration in Le Tour de France. "Cav" made a muck of of the final sprint and was disqualified.
Golf and cricket have been satisfying and soothing to watch (in the case of the golf) or to listen to in the case of the cricket.
Good roast dinner this evening - thank you Bill for getting things in the oven whilst my hands wouldn't work.
