Tuesday, October 16, 2007
16th October Arrangements for my wee bag.
I am keen to keep a diary of the next challenge in my life.
Whilst I am in hospital I shall have to write with a pen in a book!
But some of it - the good, the bad, the struggles, the triumphs will feature of Grandma P's Ramblings.
But don't worry - there won't be any pictures!
I suppose I can tell you that today I had all the news that I wanted.
Except that I have come to a point where my brain is screaming out that I don't want any of this bladder problem at all - can we please go back to the time when I didn't have it?
Well, of course we can't go back in time; the only way to live is to work towards the future, whatever it might be.
I had already worked out the earliest possible date that Mr Swinn could do the operation and remove my bladder and that is the day that he has elected to do it.
I shall go into hospital on Thursday November 1st, to be operated on the next day, Friday 2nd November. That is in just over 2 weeks time.
It will be a long and major operation and of course Mr Swinn is duty bound by law to tell me all the things that can go wrong before I sign the consent form.
He laughingly said that he has not yet lost a patient from this operation but statistically he assumes it must happen one day!
But I am actually quite fit and he firmly believes that I will do very well - and so do I.
The results of the CT scan were good - Bill and I watched as he scrolled down over the inside of my body on his computer.
The major worry I had had, in view of my previous cancer history, was lymph glands. There are no abnormal lumps and bumps anywhere. My kidneys look very healthy.
There is a thickening of the wall of the bladder - which suggests that it is important to get rid of it as soon as possible. It may well have adhered to the cervix and I have consented for removal of anything in those parts that may need to be got rid of. If I still had a womb it would have to be removed. It certainly wouldn't surprise me for the knife to be used in that region for I have long thought that maybe some of the pain has been felt there.
I will be back at the hospital again probably one day next week for all the pre op tests again. And that should be the day I see the stoma nurse who will assess what size of bag I will need and will explain to me the mechanics of having a bag.
Mr Swinn has not thought it necessary for me to be on an anti biotic right now and has also advised against having the flu jab tomorrow.
He says that everybody who has this operation loses a lot of weight - about a stone and a half. But of course it will go back on again as I recover.
He reckons that after 6 to 8 weeks I shall start to feel I am back on the road to recovery and will start to feel more normal again.
Its not much of my life that will be taken up with feeling that life is difficult, painful and confusing. And at least I will be living. If I didn't have this operation then I would have been heading towards lack of cure and..... well, best not to even let my brain go there at this time.
I will get better. The pain I feel now will be a thing of the past.
I am so lucky that my future looks good with the help of Mr Swinn and the team.
I hope he enjoys his short holiday with his family next week. He is off to Atlanta in the USA - not a place he particularly would have chosen for a holiday, but his brother lives there.
He liked hearing that we once thought the same about Phuket - not a place we might have chosen to get to know and love. But how fortunate we are to have discovered that world and to have Jamie and Mam to share with us the special places, off the beaten track.
I look forward to being there again in a year's time - that's my plan now.
Finally I must tell you that I don't think Mr Swinn had ever heard anyone manage to joke about the bladder substitute in my way - I am already referring to it, with a slight Scottish accent, as "my wee bag".! He thought that was a good one!
And I have one last request - no cards or flowers please!
There is nowhere much in the hospital for cards and flowers are not allowed in the wards anymore and I would prefer that people who love and care for me put a pound or so into a favourite charity box instead and so I would know that somebody, somewhere in the world, was benefiting from my situation. But of course I would love letters and things - Bill can print off EMails.
So, there we have it. What started out as a suspicious cystitis like pain has come to this. I wish it had never had to happen but now I am just glad that I am being looked after and that I have a future to look forward to.
Whilst I am in hospital I shall have to write with a pen in a book!
But some of it - the good, the bad, the struggles, the triumphs will feature of Grandma P's Ramblings.
But don't worry - there won't be any pictures!
I suppose I can tell you that today I had all the news that I wanted.
Except that I have come to a point where my brain is screaming out that I don't want any of this bladder problem at all - can we please go back to the time when I didn't have it?
Well, of course we can't go back in time; the only way to live is to work towards the future, whatever it might be.
I had already worked out the earliest possible date that Mr Swinn could do the operation and remove my bladder and that is the day that he has elected to do it.
I shall go into hospital on Thursday November 1st, to be operated on the next day, Friday 2nd November. That is in just over 2 weeks time.
It will be a long and major operation and of course Mr Swinn is duty bound by law to tell me all the things that can go wrong before I sign the consent form.
He laughingly said that he has not yet lost a patient from this operation but statistically he assumes it must happen one day!
But I am actually quite fit and he firmly believes that I will do very well - and so do I.
The results of the CT scan were good - Bill and I watched as he scrolled down over the inside of my body on his computer.
The major worry I had had, in view of my previous cancer history, was lymph glands. There are no abnormal lumps and bumps anywhere. My kidneys look very healthy.
There is a thickening of the wall of the bladder - which suggests that it is important to get rid of it as soon as possible. It may well have adhered to the cervix and I have consented for removal of anything in those parts that may need to be got rid of. If I still had a womb it would have to be removed. It certainly wouldn't surprise me for the knife to be used in that region for I have long thought that maybe some of the pain has been felt there.
I will be back at the hospital again probably one day next week for all the pre op tests again. And that should be the day I see the stoma nurse who will assess what size of bag I will need and will explain to me the mechanics of having a bag.
Mr Swinn has not thought it necessary for me to be on an anti biotic right now and has also advised against having the flu jab tomorrow.
He says that everybody who has this operation loses a lot of weight - about a stone and a half. But of course it will go back on again as I recover.
He reckons that after 6 to 8 weeks I shall start to feel I am back on the road to recovery and will start to feel more normal again.
Its not much of my life that will be taken up with feeling that life is difficult, painful and confusing. And at least I will be living. If I didn't have this operation then I would have been heading towards lack of cure and..... well, best not to even let my brain go there at this time.
I will get better. The pain I feel now will be a thing of the past.
I am so lucky that my future looks good with the help of Mr Swinn and the team.
I hope he enjoys his short holiday with his family next week. He is off to Atlanta in the USA - not a place he particularly would have chosen for a holiday, but his brother lives there.
He liked hearing that we once thought the same about Phuket - not a place we might have chosen to get to know and love. But how fortunate we are to have discovered that world and to have Jamie and Mam to share with us the special places, off the beaten track.
I look forward to being there again in a year's time - that's my plan now.
Finally I must tell you that I don't think Mr Swinn had ever heard anyone manage to joke about the bladder substitute in my way - I am already referring to it, with a slight Scottish accent, as "my wee bag".! He thought that was a good one!
And I have one last request - no cards or flowers please!
There is nowhere much in the hospital for cards and flowers are not allowed in the wards anymore and I would prefer that people who love and care for me put a pound or so into a favourite charity box instead and so I would know that somebody, somewhere in the world, was benefiting from my situation. But of course I would love letters and things - Bill can print off EMails.
So, there we have it. What started out as a suspicious cystitis like pain has come to this. I wish it had never had to happen but now I am just glad that I am being looked after and that I have a future to look forward to.
