Monday, June 05, 2006
BROTHERS
I have been blessed with brothers - there were 2 younger brothers who shared my childhood with me and in adulthood Dad presented us with a half brother.
I have to be honest and admit that there may have been times when they didn't always feel blessed to have an older sister! But I am sure that older sisters the world over will agree with me that we know best!
I was much cleverer than them - just because I was older and so I presumed that they would want to do what I wanted to do. And of course I was in charge.
At Christmas I was the producer of a "grand" concert to be staged in our front room for parents and grandparents and I have happy memories of being the star of the show. My brothers may have thought differently.
Here are the 3 of us in a school photo.
That's Roger on the left and Robin on the right.
Robin was closer to me in age and it was natural that sometimes we played together and formed a bond. He was a spirited boy and I admired his dare devil approach to life, although he did get into some scrapes at times. An elderly neighbour who we knew as Aunty B doted on him. I was a bit cross about this, wondering why he should win special favours.
My 2 brothers were close in age (only 20 months) so it was natural that they spent time together doing "boys' things" and I did yearn for a sister to be my special friend in the family.
For much of my childhood I viewed Roger as the baby of the family. He seemed to be a good boy, wanting to please our parents. He is 4 years youger than me and in childhood that was a gap too wide to be crossed.
Well, you can imagine that no big sister could get involved in a jar of liquid mud that was being used to "paint" the outside of the house!
Robin grew up quickly. At 17 his girlfriend was pregnant and a wedding was hurriedly arranged. Sometimes such marriages are doomed to disaster - but not this one. Their love remained firm and strong despite a difficult start.
They lived for a while in a little caravan while Robin continued his building apprenticeship. He passed with flying colours and got a job with a big company. I can still proudly look at buildings that my brother built.
Their little boy moved with them from the caravan to the first little house that they could afford and a baby daughter was born.
Tragically Robin was diagnosed (a diagnosis which came far too late really) with a stomach cancer. This plunged his young wife, Roger and I into an unreal world that we had not encountered before. You don't learn in advance how to cope with death, you have to grope your way through it. Robin died at home, aged just 33. I miss him still.
But I am blessed that I do still have a brother. As adults Roger and I have grown closer and share a great deal. As a young adult I still saw him as the "good boy" who seemed to be doing things as our parents would want. We were both teaching - and both enjoying some aspects of the job. I didn't have to settle down to it as a career for I had a children at home. I know now that Roger gradually felt trapped by the job - needing the income to support his own family. Finally he rebelled! He quit - well sort of. He has chosen to spend the last few years before retirement as a lowly teacher's assistant. This means a cut in income, but more importantly he has eliminated most of the stresses of the job. I can really admire him for making this decision - it must have been hard.
He is happy pottering on his bit of land where he has kept sheep and poultry.
Here he is in the pig rearing days.
The pigs have long gone from his life - this must be 25 years ago.
I also have a half brother, Matthew.
My Dad had a second family with his new wife.
Sadly my mother had died young, leaving Dad only with his career and life in the community. He was lonely and happily, he married again. Jenny is 23 years younger than him, and when they married she was at the beginning of her own career and also eager for motherhood.
Matthew was born a few months after our younger son.
So Uncle Matthew is younger than our sons who are his nephews.
Later Ruth was born - the sister I craved for at last!
Matthew is now in his 30s and has forged a life quite unlike our Dad's - except that he has charisma and great organisational skills with people. Matthew is the leader of a modern Christian evangelical church in London. It is interesting to note though, that our great grandfather was a preacher at a non conformist church.
He is married with 2 children.
Here is Matthew with Dad. They are admiring their birthday cakes at a party held to mark Dad's 70th birthday and Matthew's 18th.
Yes - Matt's cake really is a wood louse! He had worked hard on a biology project all that summer and the woodlouse had been much in his mind.
This week I have been thinking again of brothers. We have been celebrating the 80th birthday of my mother's baby brother.
I know she treasured her brother, like I treasure mine.
I have to be honest and admit that there may have been times when they didn't always feel blessed to have an older sister! But I am sure that older sisters the world over will agree with me that we know best!
I was much cleverer than them - just because I was older and so I presumed that they would want to do what I wanted to do. And of course I was in charge.
At Christmas I was the producer of a "grand" concert to be staged in our front room for parents and grandparents and I have happy memories of being the star of the show. My brothers may have thought differently.
Here are the 3 of us in a school photo.
That's Roger on the left and Robin on the right.
Robin was closer to me in age and it was natural that sometimes we played together and formed a bond. He was a spirited boy and I admired his dare devil approach to life, although he did get into some scrapes at times. An elderly neighbour who we knew as Aunty B doted on him. I was a bit cross about this, wondering why he should win special favours.
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My 2 brothers were close in age (only 20 months) so it was natural that they spent time together doing "boys' things" and I did yearn for a sister to be my special friend in the family.
For much of my childhood I viewed Roger as the baby of the family. He seemed to be a good boy, wanting to please our parents. He is 4 years youger than me and in childhood that was a gap too wide to be crossed.
Well, you can imagine that no big sister could get involved in a jar of liquid mud that was being used to "paint" the outside of the house!
Robin grew up quickly. At 17 his girlfriend was pregnant and a wedding was hurriedly arranged. Sometimes such marriages are doomed to disaster - but not this one. Their love remained firm and strong despite a difficult start.
They lived for a while in a little caravan while Robin continued his building apprenticeship. He passed with flying colours and got a job with a big company. I can still proudly look at buildings that my brother built.
Their little boy moved with them from the caravan to the first little house that they could afford and a baby daughter was born.
Tragically Robin was diagnosed (a diagnosis which came far too late really) with a stomach cancer. This plunged his young wife, Roger and I into an unreal world that we had not encountered before. You don't learn in advance how to cope with death, you have to grope your way through it. Robin died at home, aged just 33. I miss him still.
But I am blessed that I do still have a brother. As adults Roger and I have grown closer and share a great deal. As a young adult I still saw him as the "good boy" who seemed to be doing things as our parents would want. We were both teaching - and both enjoying some aspects of the job. I didn't have to settle down to it as a career for I had a children at home. I know now that Roger gradually felt trapped by the job - needing the income to support his own family. Finally he rebelled! He quit - well sort of. He has chosen to spend the last few years before retirement as a lowly teacher's assistant. This means a cut in income, but more importantly he has eliminated most of the stresses of the job. I can really admire him for making this decision - it must have been hard.
He is happy pottering on his bit of land where he has kept sheep and poultry.
Here he is in the pig rearing days.
The pigs have long gone from his life - this must be 25 years ago.
I also have a half brother, Matthew.
My Dad had a second family with his new wife.
Sadly my mother had died young, leaving Dad only with his career and life in the community. He was lonely and happily, he married again. Jenny is 23 years younger than him, and when they married she was at the beginning of her own career and also eager for motherhood.
Matthew was born a few months after our younger son.
So Uncle Matthew is younger than our sons who are his nephews.
Later Ruth was born - the sister I craved for at last!
Matthew is now in his 30s and has forged a life quite unlike our Dad's - except that he has charisma and great organisational skills with people. Matthew is the leader of a modern Christian evangelical church in London. It is interesting to note though, that our great grandfather was a preacher at a non conformist church.
He is married with 2 children.
Here is Matthew with Dad. They are admiring their birthday cakes at a party held to mark Dad's 70th birthday and Matthew's 18th.
Yes - Matt's cake really is a wood louse! He had worked hard on a biology project all that summer and the woodlouse had been much in his mind.
This week I have been thinking again of brothers. We have been celebrating the 80th birthday of my mother's baby brother.
I know she treasured her brother, like I treasure mine.
