Grandma P's Ramblings Through Life

Let's try a blog again
This is a day for some changes. A hospital bed will arrive in the house and we will set up a downstairs boudoir. Complete with commodes
Funding will change too. I knew that the scheme that has helped me would be temporary. Now I will be part of the oh so wise, care in the community package. Not so wise when you realise that it's about who pays (me) and profits and loss. Today I have to choose a company to work with, tell them what I want and then pay. I think that I will pay something like 40 a week. But as the ad says. I am worth it
Clare went to visit he Dad, with Ruth and found it difficult. The changes since last November are profound..
We will go together tomorrow. Taxi ride and wheel chair
..
Some old blog readers, bless them have missed my rambling. And there have been new folk into my world. I could suggest that for a while some people might join me on Facebook.I know that as weeks progress there will be less writing , just quick sentences. Facebook can be used as you wish create a new persona, that only you and I know.
If you can then find me on Facebook - Paula Monk. I would love to know H and H
Hope I feel stronger soon have lots to think about.

First a message for Pete and Jean. I tried to
Phone, you - but I felt too wobbly to go down to find the book. Your number should be on my mobile.  I tried to Skype too, but you hadn'been able during your off line stage that I had changed my Skype name for the tablet.Perhaps ring me tomorrow and we can sort it.it is partly my fault that I had a bad day - I didn't take pain killers until it was too late. But the sweet nurse from Zimbabwe was so patient and calm.
I have ticked foods that I think I would like from Wiltshiy Farm Foods. I need things that easy to eat with a spoon - and not sweet things, because I have really gone off sweetness.
Jenny has been round today.. The boys are so good when they with me
We watched some of tennis together.
I wish that my fingers would stop being jittery and shaky. Makes me quite unstable
Now a message for Jamie. The general ffeling is that. It would be beneficial for you to come and see us. If you didn't come and
I got
 worse, then you would regret it,
Also it would be best to spend time with your Dad, whilst he still has some wits   - although the noise can be quite distressing,
I wouly pay for your ticket when you arrive.
If you can do it, then do it..

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L

L

There has been so much sleeping and very little writing, very little
 Of anything useful Typing ishatde because my fingers shake so My body shakes a lot. So then I sleep some more  I am far too feak and  weeble. But I can see some signs of progress The nurses still come 3 times a day. They help me to wash and get me some food
They do all manner of things
Yesterday they discovered a urine infection
This will be checked again tomorrow
Jenny returned from the I of W
Today Ruth flies to Jamaica ,,,,\ a prize from work
Jo has been wonderful
Next week there are others I can
 call in. The more the merrier. If you could visit then please do
Company and laughter are excluded medication
zS

Sorry, blog friends, I wrote nothing yesterday. It had been an awful day.
I woke with intense nausea and did too much physically and mentally. Dr Dullo wanted to see me. He cares d is determined to maintain contact and support. Jo, my antiques dealer friend, commented on what a lovely man he is.
Lots of exercise for me. Had to go to the pharmacy to collect anti nausea medication.
Then Jo and I went to see Bill That was hard mentally. I don't know what he was able to absorb. He wasn't quiet for one second we were there. He thinks that he should be at home. And that just cannot be. I am glad that Jo was with me. It has been a while since they met. And she could see the truth of the situation. I don't believe ambody thinks I am lying, but they could wonder if I am exaggerating the situation...
I spoke to an admin person about Bill not joining in activities. There could be lots to do. But nobody can be forced to do anything, because that could count as abuse. So Bill stays in his room, doing nothing.
Home then to be greeted by nurses. I felt duty bound to eat a little.
Then I fell. asleep on the sofa
Ruthb came by and emptied the freezer. Glad she came - .somebody to help me when I puked up noodles.
The. evening nurses didn't push me to eat. They helped me to get to bed. And there I stayed until more vomit.
What a day - too much trauma.
I feel fragile still. But another day brings new challenges.
Ruth has been already with home cooked food, using some of my freezer food. Will see her again later and also Matt, my half brother. Maybe he can mend door bells.

Busy day. People kept turning up to help me!
My early nurses came and cooked scrambled eggs.

 Jenny would have been proud to see me tucking into two eggs on toast.
Then they helped me to wash and change wee bag. They must have been here for an hour and a half.
A little later the occupational therapist came. She seemed to think that I should have every gadget known to man! I was not going to refuse anything.
The built up loo seat arrived this afternoon.
The lunch time nurse made toast and marmalade, and nagged me about exercise. I rewarded her by falling asleep!
 Then the evening nurses came and heated a chicken and mushroom risotto that we found in the freezer this morning. Very tasty! In addition, there have been friendly phone call
L

well, it has been quite a day.
The consultant, Mr Butler Manuel was kindness itself, not sure I could be coping with such a heavy load. In fact, I am not.
I was not at all surprised to have cancer again. I am surprised that it is a cancer connected to the bladder cancer that I had. I am not looking forward to a month of radio therapy, with daily trips to Guildford in a mini bus.
Today, the support from professional groups hs kicked in. This afternoon two nurses came.
Later  two others came and one made me some scrambled eggs.
People will be back in the morning to help me shower and make breakfast.
Tomorrow I shall order meals from Wiltshire Farm Foods.
There are people coming from social services tomorrow too.
I am not lucky - far from it! Life stinks! But I do feel fortunate that some knowledge and some bullying have taken me to the heart of good care.
Join me in sending love and support to all who suffer.

Sorry, I haven't managed daily postings. I am grateful to know that I have been missed.
It is now Saturday. Life hasn't changed for me. I feel so tired and weak, in both body and mind. My mind feels so lost and troubled. Yesterday I felt just plain scared? Why? Because I was going out to see Dr D, and then to see Bill. That was scary, I felt distraught being reminded of what has been lost - especially when he wanted to come home and look after me.
I have now paid for Bill to be at Deerswood for another 2 weeks.
By then I will know more about me. I have to go to the hospital to discover results of the biopsies. So, that is scary too.
Today I slept for much of the morning.
This afternoon my brother and his wife visited. Poor Sue - never did she think she would be preparing a pot noodle, but it was good and tasty - I love the sticky ribs flavour.
They also saw Bill.He needs company and stimulation. They told me he was content, pleasant and singing.
He had other visitors too. Ruth and Otto called in, and they walked in the garden.
So a reasonable day. I planned to post a couple of photos, but I got into a muddle. I'll put them on a separate page - far too fraught to keep trying.
Shan't eat much tonight now. Although it is doctor's order. Guess what? He suggested I have lots of chocolate.e

A day when things went right.
Jenny got things started. She phoned the GPs and started again with them.
Yes, somebody ,would visit me at home.
I regret, I spent the morning in fear
of being put down or being ignored.
But luck was on my side. Dr. D was. on home visits. He would look after me.
And he did "What's happened to you, Paula?" he asked with genuine concern. I told him of my pains and other physical problems. I told him of my fears concerning the biopsies. I explained about the months of stress which preceded all
 this. There were tears and shaking. Dr D was astute - he already knows about Bill. Dr could see that I have been on the way to a nervous break down. It would seem that after months of struggle and attempting to be strong, anxiety flooded into my whole being.
I am now on diazepam for three days and will see doctor again on Friday.
He has also set up visits from hospital avoidance service.
Now you can understand why this doctor is so special to me.
I have had just 1 diazepam. Wow! I felt euphoric. My eyes closed.I felt good and more like I can get through.

I guess that Grandma P is becoming a bit repetitive. I can assure you that I am increasingly fed up with it too.
By yesterday morning, I felt desperate. Whatever the cause, I felt that I deserved some help - maybe hospital even. So I phoned the GPs. Got through first time - good omen? No. Dr O is off this week. I was told that a doctor would talk to me after morning surgery. Abrupt Dr.Donnelly did just that. She picked up on the gastritis and said she would fax a prescription to the pharmacy opposite our house. When I said that I was not coping, she just said I should wait for the medication to start working. I spoke to another doctor with the same result.Now for sure they were thinking that they were dealing with a weepy neurotic old woman. This made me feel angry.
I began to try and enjoy the best medicine - company.
The cleaning ladies came and efficiently worked round me, even changed my bedding. Neighbour Lisa came and warmed up some soup. She has been a star. She has taken the dirty bedding to wash. Later she picked up the pills from the pharmacy and later bought me Dioralite which might help me rehydrate a bit. The last idea was from Jo, who has phoned 3 times with support. Then jenny and the boys arrived. The boys were happy with their iPads and we shared Ideas for games. F and O were a real
tonic and I felt cheerful.
Jenny went to the Forget Me Not Tuesday meeting. I needed financial help and advice from Wendy, from social services. Wendy will visit on Thursday so we can begin to sort Bill's funding for future care.
And then she told Jenny of a local service that nobody seems to have heard of. There is an organisation called the hospital avoidance service. I can have a nurse to visit me over 3 days to assess my needs and to keep me out of hospital.
Jenny still thinks that this must be done through the doctor and is ready to do battle. But a friend has looked up this service, which gives a number to contact them.
So a day which began with despair ended with some hope.
I am ready to agree with the doctors that I am tearful and neurotic.
I have very real physical problems and some could be serious. But it wasn't until Bill went away that I began to totally not cope.Up until that point, I just had to manage, after a fashion. When he went to Deerswood, the floodgates opened.
The stress of the last few months has been unbelievable. Something had to give. And now I am finding it hard to make sense of anything.