Monday, November 19, 2007
19th NOvember RANDOM RAMBLES FROM THE FIRST FEW DAYS HOME
Sunday 18th November. SOME DESPAIR
Do you want me to string you a pack of lies?
I could tell you how happy I am to be feeling stronger each day.
But the truth will out and no - I am not content and I don't feel any better yet.
I don't want to grumble unduly for I really do appreciate all that has been done for me and I have already accepted that this is going to take a long time.
I mentally hoped that two weeks after leaving hospital I might start to notice the improvement. So, early days yet.
Today I exhausted myself by washing my hair.
What else? Nothing much.
I have such a dreadful back ache.
My digestion is causing a lot of pain too.
The whole area round the stoma is very sore - and I have to do things in that area when I change the bag, which I did successfully again.
When Bill gives me the injections now it hurts a lot. Not his fault.
I feel generally rather mutilated and more weepy than I would like.
Sorry - I am grumbling!
Tomorrow I would like to ask to see the district nurse again - we forgot to tell her about the injections anyway.
I know I should be doing a little more - taking a bit of exercise but the positive will is lacking. I would prefer to watch TV and fall asleep.
But I am trying to make sure that I can sleep better at night, by staying awake during the day.
Please body and soul - start to give me some of my life back!
Tomorrow Frieda has promised to visit - not sure how inspiring that will be. But I do tend to put on a show for a visitor. And Jo will come - back from her trip to America. She will bring some strength to me I am sure.
So, another day has been survived. That's what I always thought when I was ill before.
Thank you, good people for your news and words of encouragement. It is hard to absorb news from the big world that you are inhabiting, but I do read and feel glad about your good things and feel for you when there are problems.
Bill has made me a cup of tea - I have gone off tea a bit just now, but I have to drink something. And if Bill has made something for me then I try to reward him by taking an interest in it.
Good night. Have a good week out there in the normal world.
Saturday 17th November. EXHAUSTED
It is over 24 hours since the computer has been switched on.
Yesterday was a very bad day for me. I felt ill and tired. I slept a lot.
My digestion is fragile - surgery there needs to settle down because it is causing pain.
The bag ended up leaking once again - my fault cos I didn't treat it well after a visit to the loo.
Trouble is leaks have to be dealt with immediately no matter how you feel. Wee continues to flow.
The District Nurse came and so has info about me - but she didn't check the wound or the bag. She is going to get a purpose built stool to be used in the bath/shower.
Anyway yesterday is over.
I have felt stronger today.
I haven't done all I intended - hair still not washed. But the challenge for today was just to feel better than yesterday.
I encouraged Bill to go out this morning to the toy collectors fair at the sports centre.
He didn't buy anything but met many people to have a chat with and just to share some of his home concerns. He met Heather and Colin.
I spent the time upstairs - and did have a sleep.
I have been downstairs all afternoon in the comfy leather chair which will recline. Bill thought it might be better for my back which has been aching so badly. Bill massaged some cream in for me this morning and found a big knot of muscle.
I have watched whatever TV has thrown at me - even got involved in darts!
Bill went out to Tescos earlier - I am not sure what we needed, but I think he deserves trips out.
He has some Thai fish cakes with sweet chilli sauce to cook with some rice. Should be tasty.
There is Dancing and X Factor on TV to keep me amused. Gosh was it a week a ago I listened to X Factor on the radio headphones in my bed in the hospital.
OK - time to return to the comfy chair.
Thursday 15th November. AT HOME
I am so tired. Today I have nodded off to sleep several times.
I didn't sleep very well last night. Neither did Bill.
My challenge for the day was to have a shower as unaided as possible.
Bill fetched in from the garden the sort of kneely thing that one can use for weeding and have something to haul yourself up on. Turned the other way it is like a stool.
So I was able to sit down on it in the bath.
Having succeeded I lay down and fell asleep.
Life is made up of little challenges at the moment.
This afternoon gave me another opportunity to praise our medical people.
I realised in the night that in hospital they would have supplied a drug called tramadol and I wanted it.
Bill called in at the doctors after lunch to collect prescriptions for himself and asked about tramadol for me. The receptionist said she would get a doctor to ring me.
Dr Armstrong rang a couple of minutes later. Lovely lady - though as yet had read no notes from the hospital about me. She heard from me what has happened and was of course full of sympathy.
She said she would fax a prescription to Crombies the chemist for tramadol.
I knew Bill would be in there at that moment but envisaged him having to go back later.
Not so, he had just left the shop when the pharmacist ran out and called him back and the tramadol was dealt with.
Excellent! Maybe I will get a better night.
My body aches all round my middle - not surprising. But the epidural that was put in before the surgery was excellent - it stayed in for 5 days and I had no pain.
I have plans to try and resume some of my normal computer things - there are now 93 messages in the In box from all you lovely people. I want to save them and sort them. Another day - maybe not till next week.
I have not thought about games at all - even the simplest might require too much concentration right now. Boggling can wait.
As can writing for my blog and chatting on Skype.
I am still content to be snug in the security of the little world that I now inhabit.
Tomorrow will be bag changing day again - one day it will not feel like a challenge but will be routine. Maybe a district nurse will visit.
Bill has been out - bought a few bits in Asda and has been to the garage about the wing mirror that got hit and damaged during this week.
He now has some chicken breast fillets in a sauce in the oven and we will have little boiled potatoes and some broccoli.
One challenge for tomorrow is to remember to drink more and to remember to take the medication for the thrush that has affected my tongue.
And maybe Bill will take me for a very short walk outdoors.
I am sure I keep adding more stimulating things to the challenges but for now I am very content that for a couple of weeks I take things very slowly.
Wednesday 14th November. HOME FROM HOSPITAL
I am home.
It has felt like a long, confusing and tiring day.
The morning was spent on the mechanics of life. I still don't trust my abilities to fit a bag successfully. On Monday it took me 3 goes.
Despite having the shakes and some tears I managed it successfully this morning.
I knew there would be tears - my security was being pulled from me and I think both Bill and I felt rather alone, not sure if we actually had all the equipment that I need.
The deputy stoma nurse arrived and quickly got things sorted. I have everything and soon there will be a delivery from the company who will keep me supplied. Then it is up to us to phone through orders as I need things.
I have been treated exceptionally well. I have left behind people who I have felt close to. This time in the hospital has been just about as good as anybody can expect from major surgery.
Oh - and I am not bragging - my consultant, the gorgeous Mr Swinn, said that as major surgery goes this was one of the most major because it is actually 3 operations.
On another day he praised me by saying my will and my recovery was above average!
I didn't eat for the first week and I did plummet into quite a tearful depression - as predicted.
On Saturday last a brilliant nurse, named Liz, took control in the kindest way and during that day the corner was turned.
I was on my feet and dealing with my own urinary needs almost unaided.
I can tell you it is a weird notion that never again will I get the urge to hurry to the loo. It does mean that I must be disciplined and remember to keep the bag emptied.
And first thing in the morning I am attached to a night bag and therefore don't even have to get up from my bed until I feel ready.
I wrote no diary in hospital - read almost nothing too. I listened to the radio a lot.
I would like to recall some of the special people I have met sometime.
We arrived back here today at half past one. I had eaten lunch at the hospital. The food has been very good, well cooked and tasty. I may have lost a stone in weight to start with but already the weight is going back on - only about half a stone down now.
I enjoyed a cup of tea and watched some TV downstairs until I felt exhausted.
I clambered into bed about 3 o'clock for some hours.
I am down now - Bill is cooking jacket potatoes with some tinned salmon and sweet corn.
I will stay up for a while.
This evening Bill will give me an injection - today and for the next 2 weeks. He has done it before and he is very good at it.
Bless Bill, he is so good. I really could not have recovered with such confidence without him. He is the best man in the world for me.
There is a spell in front of me now to start getting stronger and more confident. I can take each day as it comes - sometimes each hour as it comes.
Right - sitting here has exhausted me. I am close to shaking again.
Do you want me to string you a pack of lies?
I could tell you how happy I am to be feeling stronger each day.
But the truth will out and no - I am not content and I don't feel any better yet.
I don't want to grumble unduly for I really do appreciate all that has been done for me and I have already accepted that this is going to take a long time.
I mentally hoped that two weeks after leaving hospital I might start to notice the improvement. So, early days yet.
Today I exhausted myself by washing my hair.
What else? Nothing much.
I have such a dreadful back ache.
My digestion is causing a lot of pain too.
The whole area round the stoma is very sore - and I have to do things in that area when I change the bag, which I did successfully again.
When Bill gives me the injections now it hurts a lot. Not his fault.
I feel generally rather mutilated and more weepy than I would like.
Sorry - I am grumbling!
Tomorrow I would like to ask to see the district nurse again - we forgot to tell her about the injections anyway.
I know I should be doing a little more - taking a bit of exercise but the positive will is lacking. I would prefer to watch TV and fall asleep.
But I am trying to make sure that I can sleep better at night, by staying awake during the day.
Please body and soul - start to give me some of my life back!
Tomorrow Frieda has promised to visit - not sure how inspiring that will be. But I do tend to put on a show for a visitor. And Jo will come - back from her trip to America. She will bring some strength to me I am sure.
So, another day has been survived. That's what I always thought when I was ill before.
Thank you, good people for your news and words of encouragement. It is hard to absorb news from the big world that you are inhabiting, but I do read and feel glad about your good things and feel for you when there are problems.
Bill has made me a cup of tea - I have gone off tea a bit just now, but I have to drink something. And if Bill has made something for me then I try to reward him by taking an interest in it.
Good night. Have a good week out there in the normal world.
Saturday 17th November. EXHAUSTED
It is over 24 hours since the computer has been switched on.
Yesterday was a very bad day for me. I felt ill and tired. I slept a lot.
My digestion is fragile - surgery there needs to settle down because it is causing pain.
The bag ended up leaking once again - my fault cos I didn't treat it well after a visit to the loo.
Trouble is leaks have to be dealt with immediately no matter how you feel. Wee continues to flow.
The District Nurse came and so has info about me - but she didn't check the wound or the bag. She is going to get a purpose built stool to be used in the bath/shower.
Anyway yesterday is over.
I have felt stronger today.
I haven't done all I intended - hair still not washed. But the challenge for today was just to feel better than yesterday.
I encouraged Bill to go out this morning to the toy collectors fair at the sports centre.
He didn't buy anything but met many people to have a chat with and just to share some of his home concerns. He met Heather and Colin.
I spent the time upstairs - and did have a sleep.
I have been downstairs all afternoon in the comfy leather chair which will recline. Bill thought it might be better for my back which has been aching so badly. Bill massaged some cream in for me this morning and found a big knot of muscle.
I have watched whatever TV has thrown at me - even got involved in darts!
Bill went out to Tescos earlier - I am not sure what we needed, but I think he deserves trips out.
He has some Thai fish cakes with sweet chilli sauce to cook with some rice. Should be tasty.
There is Dancing and X Factor on TV to keep me amused. Gosh was it a week a ago I listened to X Factor on the radio headphones in my bed in the hospital.
OK - time to return to the comfy chair.
Thursday 15th November. AT HOME
I am so tired. Today I have nodded off to sleep several times.
I didn't sleep very well last night. Neither did Bill.
My challenge for the day was to have a shower as unaided as possible.
Bill fetched in from the garden the sort of kneely thing that one can use for weeding and have something to haul yourself up on. Turned the other way it is like a stool.
So I was able to sit down on it in the bath.
Having succeeded I lay down and fell asleep.
Life is made up of little challenges at the moment.
This afternoon gave me another opportunity to praise our medical people.
I realised in the night that in hospital they would have supplied a drug called tramadol and I wanted it.
Bill called in at the doctors after lunch to collect prescriptions for himself and asked about tramadol for me. The receptionist said she would get a doctor to ring me.
Dr Armstrong rang a couple of minutes later. Lovely lady - though as yet had read no notes from the hospital about me. She heard from me what has happened and was of course full of sympathy.
She said she would fax a prescription to Crombies the chemist for tramadol.
I knew Bill would be in there at that moment but envisaged him having to go back later.
Not so, he had just left the shop when the pharmacist ran out and called him back and the tramadol was dealt with.
Excellent! Maybe I will get a better night.
My body aches all round my middle - not surprising. But the epidural that was put in before the surgery was excellent - it stayed in for 5 days and I had no pain.
I have plans to try and resume some of my normal computer things - there are now 93 messages in the In box from all you lovely people. I want to save them and sort them. Another day - maybe not till next week.
I have not thought about games at all - even the simplest might require too much concentration right now. Boggling can wait.
As can writing for my blog and chatting on Skype.
I am still content to be snug in the security of the little world that I now inhabit.
Tomorrow will be bag changing day again - one day it will not feel like a challenge but will be routine. Maybe a district nurse will visit.
Bill has been out - bought a few bits in Asda and has been to the garage about the wing mirror that got hit and damaged during this week.
He now has some chicken breast fillets in a sauce in the oven and we will have little boiled potatoes and some broccoli.
One challenge for tomorrow is to remember to drink more and to remember to take the medication for the thrush that has affected my tongue.
And maybe Bill will take me for a very short walk outdoors.
I am sure I keep adding more stimulating things to the challenges but for now I am very content that for a couple of weeks I take things very slowly.
Wednesday 14th November. HOME FROM HOSPITAL
I am home.
It has felt like a long, confusing and tiring day.
The morning was spent on the mechanics of life. I still don't trust my abilities to fit a bag successfully. On Monday it took me 3 goes.
Despite having the shakes and some tears I managed it successfully this morning.
I knew there would be tears - my security was being pulled from me and I think both Bill and I felt rather alone, not sure if we actually had all the equipment that I need.
The deputy stoma nurse arrived and quickly got things sorted. I have everything and soon there will be a delivery from the company who will keep me supplied. Then it is up to us to phone through orders as I need things.
I have been treated exceptionally well. I have left behind people who I have felt close to. This time in the hospital has been just about as good as anybody can expect from major surgery.
Oh - and I am not bragging - my consultant, the gorgeous Mr Swinn, said that as major surgery goes this was one of the most major because it is actually 3 operations.
On another day he praised me by saying my will and my recovery was above average!
I didn't eat for the first week and I did plummet into quite a tearful depression - as predicted.
On Saturday last a brilliant nurse, named Liz, took control in the kindest way and during that day the corner was turned.
I was on my feet and dealing with my own urinary needs almost unaided.
I can tell you it is a weird notion that never again will I get the urge to hurry to the loo. It does mean that I must be disciplined and remember to keep the bag emptied.
And first thing in the morning I am attached to a night bag and therefore don't even have to get up from my bed until I feel ready.
I wrote no diary in hospital - read almost nothing too. I listened to the radio a lot.
I would like to recall some of the special people I have met sometime.
We arrived back here today at half past one. I had eaten lunch at the hospital. The food has been very good, well cooked and tasty. I may have lost a stone in weight to start with but already the weight is going back on - only about half a stone down now.
I enjoyed a cup of tea and watched some TV downstairs until I felt exhausted.
I clambered into bed about 3 o'clock for some hours.
I am down now - Bill is cooking jacket potatoes with some tinned salmon and sweet corn.
I will stay up for a while.
This evening Bill will give me an injection - today and for the next 2 weeks. He has done it before and he is very good at it.
Bless Bill, he is so good. I really could not have recovered with such confidence without him. He is the best man in the world for me.
There is a spell in front of me now to start getting stronger and more confident. I can take each day as it comes - sometimes each hour as it comes.
Right - sitting here has exhausted me. I am close to shaking again.
